a nasty piece of work

I'm a particular type of idiot.

2008-08-15T22:40:00.000-05:00

the little voice

2008-08-15T09:16:00.003-05:00

There's a little voice in my head that tells me things. Not kill kill kill, but tiny things like "oh there's your cell phone pick it up so you don't forget it." I used to ignore this voice, but after my car was towed because I ignored its little voice telling me to move my car before I left I decided to start paying attention.

Its very silly really. The conversation that now takes place in my head. The little voice will say something and then I'll say "eh whatever I wont forget" but then a feeling of doom will fall over me and decide I better just do whatever the little voice says.

So far I haven't kill anyone or stolen anything, which is really how I gauge whether things are going well or not.

Choose your own adventure

2008-08-09T10:53:00.002-05:00

Boys have always been my downfall. After Martin picked some brunette instead of me in kindergarten, lifting up her skirt instead of mine, a lifetime of bad decision making began. As well as a deeply held belief that all men truly want is a brunette to play peek a boo with.

Things I learned by packing until 2 am

2008-07-17T07:09:00.002-05:00

Any man who wears concealer is not the man for me
The man I loved never existed
The girl who loved him is now long since gone

keep on driving

2008-07-13T20:58:00.002-05:00

Things I hate right now include but are not limited to:

Men - specifically men that I was/will be/could be/should be/and am are currently attracted to
My mother
Adam Smith
Facebook and its need to constant remind me that everyone is getting married but me. Whats up with that fbook? I'm not constantly reminding you that you're not google. Not cool man not cool.

The more things change the more they stay the same

2008-07-11T23:51:00.002-05:00

I used to be one of those people that was too good to drink alone.

I am no longer one of those people.

the reason

2006-09-30T15:23:00.000-05:00

Some people date models. I date engineers.

Sure I've made out with carpenters, musicians, bull riders, race car drivers, and the like, but engineers, engineers are really what am all about. Now I know that may sound weird to a lot of you. Or maybe to all of you, and that you may wonder if there isn't some deep psychological issue behind this strange affliction. To which I say, sure there is. My daddy's an engineer and if you listened to Freud that would be the end of the conversation.

But it isn't.

Engineers are the very best kind of men. And it doesn't matter what kind of engineer: electrical, mechanical, civil (well not civil engineers). Ok so we're talking about actual engineers. There's something about a mind that is automatically ridiculously logical that is impossibly arousing to me, because I'm weird, and totally totally a dork. Engineers are also in vast supply and work long hours around other men, so you don't have to worry too much about them hooking up with their co-workers. Besides all of this though, a complex understanding of spacial analysis is great in a lover. Yea I said lover. Lets move on.

The key though, I have found, is finding an engineer who can actually communicate. Using actual words. In english. About things you actually care about. Once you get all those things together you end up in dating bliss. Otherwise known as why I haven't updated my blog since I got back from Chicago. :)

Yea I used an emicon. Let's move on.

llamaface

2006-09-05T21:29:00.000-05:00

So I'm going to Chicago in a week. To say that I'm not looking forward to this is an understatement. I have no interest in going up north, nevermind the fact that this is the worst possible timing ever. Funny though because people around the office beg our leader to let them go to conferences out of state, and I get to go to Chicago and its like he's sending me off to iraq. or kansas. or you get the picture.

I'm sure Chicago is lovely and all I just have no interest in going. Especially not now. I have too much that needs to be done and not nearly enough hours in the day in which to do them. I'm just barely getting a handle on this whole growing up living on your own concept. I still barely remember to throw out the bad milk and buy new fresh milk, how can I be gone for a week? Like for example, I bought my car 2 weeks ago and it needs wiper fluid and I haven't bought any, because I don't have any paper in my house, because all my paper and office stuff is in erie, and I need paper to write down a to do list and I don't have any paper on which to write my to do list to remind myself to buy paper so I can make a to do list. This is what we're dealing with people. I have no clue how people my age have children and manage to remember to feed them. Hell I can barely comprehend how I would find the time to remember to feed a pet, cause if I don't eat breakfast the world isn't going to end. But if I forget to feed my imaginary cat he'd eat my face. And that would be a problem, because who would make mailing labels for 5,000+ people then? No one. And the world would end. And we can't have that.

The funny thing is that I'm all rested from Labor day, which was fabulous and relaxing and everything a labor day is supposed to be. And then some. And I went into work today and sat down and looked at my to do list and realized that I have a 3 days to complete a weeks worth of stuff so I then proceeded to destroy my emergency stash of smarties. Because if food can't make the stress go away, then really what's the point of living? or something.

So yea. I'm going to Chicago. And I don't think I'll even be able to take my laptop along with me because the world is a cruel cruel place and why do terrorist have to come between me and my minesweeper? Is there nothing sacred left in the world?

what is that sound?

2006-08-30T23:00:00.000-05:00

At roughly the same time every night I hear this buzzing sound coming from the apartment above me (or is it next to me? I can never tell). Its on for at least an hour so it can't possibly be someone brushing their teeth with an electric toothbrush. Really I don't know what it is, because even though the walls are thin they're not thin enough for me to be able to decipher precisely what is making that sound. Its like clockwork though, to the point where I'm kinda waiting for the buzzing to start so I know its time to go to bed.

Ah to be young and live in a thinly walled box.

you gotta work with me

2006-08-27T16:57:00.000-05:00

So as we know, I've been dating for a while. By no stretch of the imagination am I somehow new to the concept of having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend is my natural state of being. Once you've been around the block a few times (or a few hundred times) there are few things that catch you off guard. You know how things go. Or so I thought. For the very first time in my very short life I'm dating someone and I'm the one who is making things all complicated.

Now I know, if you know me your rolling your eyes and thinking "come on jes you've always been the complication" but hear me out. When before it was all square peg in a round hole now its like this makes too much sense, I'm overloading on how perfect this is. But this isn't perfect in the hormone induced craziness of relationships long since past, this is perfect in a completely sane we are two grown people with a plethora of issues but we figure it out as we go along, and then everything is good.

Everything is good.

That's the problem. Well if your me at least it is because I'm used to making things work. Used to stubbornly fighting and sacrificing to make something work that was never meant to work for so long. So the bliss, the insane compatibility freaks me out. Because I'm not used to someone actually understanding and hearing the words that trickle out of my mouth. I'm used to "agreeing to disagree" every five minutes.

So this is nice. Nice and scary, because what if I fuck this up? Then what? It wasn't him or us, or the universe, or the timing, it was me and my id. So that's where I'm at. Trying to not be the complication and just be.

I'll let you know how that goes.

I'll let you whip me if I misbehave*

2006-08-19T10:55:00.000-05:00

There's something about Sex and the City that has always bugged me. Its bugged me since the very first time I saw a full episode of the show (horribly dubbed in spanish in cuba) and it continues to bug me now whenever I'm flipping through and catch a rerun (which I always proceed to watch even though I've seen every episode at least 3 times).

The condoms.

If you have watched SATC at all, you know that Trojans are prominently displayed everywhere. In the first episode, when Carrie meets Big she drops her purse and a roll of Trojans fall out of her purse. It was a meet cute satc style, girl meets boy, drops her purse and shows boy that she carries a roll of condoms with her because you never know. Its all very safe, very cute, nothing wrong with this picture right? Wrong. My problem is that women who spend $600+ on shoes and $10 on candy martinis would know better than use trojans. Trojans are the condom of choice when your 16 and dont know any better, but think you're the shit. When in reality you have absolutely no idea what "good" is because you also drank some Bud Light and thought it was amazing. Basically your 16, you dont know any better, you're trying to be safe. All very smart. I'm not knocking the use of condoms.

What I am knocking is the use of trojans past the age of 20 (I'm giving you a 4 year window to not know any better). Especially when your characters on a show in which the entire universe centers around having the very best things in life. Ohh and there's one episode which always gets me, its season 5 and Miranda's baby grabs a trojan (still in its wrapper) and sticks it in his mouth and everyone is horrified until Samantha quips "oh don't worry I have those things in my mouth all the time" and everyone laughs because its funny. Except for me because I'm always horrified, because if you've ever had a trojan in your mouth you know that its not all good, those things have the worse taste known to man. And the smell the smell is awful.

So they should know better. And you should know better. There are better condoms out there than trojans. Much much better. And just like you spent some time and some money searching for something better than bud light you should do the same with condoms. That is all. Go forth and multiply, or something.

* The title is from justin timberlakes "sexyback", dont think that I'm trying to tell you I'm into s&m.

k now the links:

* Okay so first I read this. And then I read the article. Actually no, I started reading the article and then I proceeded to throw up a little in my mouth, because when someone says shit like this with a straight face I just can't keep my food down:
The female orgasm is the natural mechanism by which men assert dominion over women: a man who appreciates this can negotiate whatever difficulties arise in his relationships with them.

Last Christmas, my wife threw me out after discovering I'd been cheating on her. On the night we got back together, I made strong, passionate love to her. Unfaithful as I'd been, I was not going to let her have me over a barrel for the rest of our marriage. I needed to keep a sense of self and not allow her to mire me in guilt and a desperate quest of forgiveness.

I needed to let her know what she would be missing if we broke up for ever. I gave her a manful bravura performance that night, and at the height of her passion, I asked her: 'Who's the boss?'

The question threw her. Initially she wouldn't give me a reply, but I enticed it from her. 'You are,' she finally gasped. 'You are!' I am a very difficult man to be with. I know I have caused my wife great pain and anxiety. But she is an adult, and ultimately it is wholly her choice whether she wants to be with me or not - I cannot be anyone other than myself. Originally when I read this I was going to do a whole post on this thing. And then I realized that I didn't need a whole post, just a few sentences. A good female orgasm, brings a man down to his knees. Its not the thing that a man holds over a woman, like "look how manly I am, I gave you the greatest pleasure you have ever known," its the thing that makes even the strongest manliest men, into idiots. A good moan, an arch of the back, and men turn into putty. In s&m the partner who is actually in control is not the dominant, but the submissive who sets the pace and can at any time say the word and end the "play." Things are not always what they seem, is what I'm saying. By telling you that "you're the boss" she's choosing to give you what you want. All power is relative.

* My favorite blog has always been "girl with a one track mind" but I don't link to it often because the subject manner is beyond pg-13 Long story short it was an awesome anonymous blog, which got turned into a book, and then ended up in having the bloggers identity discovered. All very sad, very tragic, because I'm sure my favorite blog will never be the same.

and how this post end up being all about sex?

dont say

2006-08-13T13:30:00.000-05:00

So last night I was going to do a post on crazy bitches in general and one specifically crazy one. It was going to be good because I was really upset about it all last night. But then this morning I woke up, and there was a cute boy in my bed and the sunlight was coming in and I didn't care anymore. So what if they're crazy. It has nothing to do with me and I'm not going to put myself into it by talking about it. Just know crazy bitches are out there and they really don't like me and I think its stupid because I have better things to do than try to steal away the dumbfucks that date them. If they had any sense they'd know that, but alas being crazy they have no sense.

The real news though is that I have a car. Its still sinking in that I now have a car and its in my name, and that it really is mine. But yea I bought it yesterday in the span of like 3 hours. Of course this being me, I didn't do a lick of research cause I could care less what type of car I drive. But my car is still super cute, its redish, ford focus, with four doors. I'd prefer that it only had 2 doors, but whatever its only for the now and I'll be done paying for it in two years.

And yea that's my news. I have a car. Its all mine. And its cute. The end. All thats left now is finding a permanent place to live in and you know furniture and stuff... but its all coming together and its awesome.

ahhh I almost forgot the very best part about my new car is that within having it for like 30 minutes my car had been blessed with holy water, which is fairly amusing, to say the least.

I'd like to paint this picture for you

2006-08-12T09:06:00.000-05:00

Last night marked the longest period of time that I have spent alone in my apartment. And there was definitely a point somewhere in hour 5 where I wanted to go out just so the walls would feel a little bigger when I got back in. Its not like I don't like being alone. On the contrary I love being alone. I barely like people at all. Well I like people in the plural sense of the world, its just individuals that I have a problem with. So being alone is one of my favorite states of being.

Until Erie that is, where I'd spent weeks by myself, with the only other person I came into any real contact with being Andres. Clearly I'm scarred because last Sunday I woke up early and ran errands, spent half my day at a coffee shop, and then went over to my dad's because the thought of spending all day in my little studio was soul crushing. And honestly I don't need my soul crushed anymore.

But last night I wanted to stay in. I decided I wasn't going to go out before 10am, it didn't matter that it was a Friday and awesome whomever was going to be wherever doing whatnot. I had stuff to do and I wanted to sleep and I had absolutely no interest in standing in a club having a mindless conversation about whatnot. I wanted to do laundry and watch tv and sleep.

Somewhere in there after finally sitting down and writing something substantial for the first time in months, I decided that I wanted to paint, well sketch some stuff in oils (part 1 of the long and complicated painting process). So I went to open my painting box that had been sitting in my closet for a week. It was like Christmas, and when I pulled out one of my favorite paintings I was deliriously happy knowing that it was now with me and not sitting in some apartment in the middle of nowhere PA. But then as I started pulling stuff out I started getting angry. He'd rolled up some of my paintings and placed packing tape on them to hold them together. Not a big deal until you attempt to pull off the tape and the backing of your favorite painting that took you weeks of work to paint and still isn't finished starts coming off.

Still though, I was happy the paintings were back with me. So I started getting deeper into the box and I realized that there were no paints in there. The 30+ different tubes of artist grade oil paints? Not in the box. My large box of oil pastels? Not in the box. My large sketching pad, that contains everything I've been working on for the last 2 years? Nope, not there. My charcoals? Not there. Even though I'd specifically asked that they all be mailed to me.

If we weren't talking about my entire collection of art supplies that I've been collecting and amassing for years now, I wouldn't have wanted to run someone over with a car. Yea, there are some blank canvases in the box I got, but irony of ironies I have nothing to paint on them with. Oh yea my brushes? All of them? Not in the box.

So I wanted to start throwing stuff. Obviously, because really he should know better than this. He knows how much that stuff means to me. If he had mailed absolutely nothing else it should have been that box. Its hard because I want to vent and at the same time I don't want to say an eight of the things that are rushing through my head right now, because things were really good for a long time and I want to respect that. But, I want my shit back. And of course he's not in Erie anymore, so my stuff if it hasn't been mailed is just going to sit there until December at some point.

Yup. I get the distinct feeling that instead of buying my easel I'm going to have to rebuild my collection. Awesome.

k links:

* My favorite place in Houston is the River Oaks Theatre. And because this is Houston, and we love new things over old things its probably going to be demolished to make a borders or a starbucks or another strip mall. Because lord knows we need another strip mall. Anyways the nytimes is talking about it and you should read about it.

* make any site work friendly. really, make it look like your working all the time.

* the future and whatnot.

mas de mil formas de besar

2006-08-08T07:56:00.000-05:00

Here's what I'm learning. I'm learning that I have got not a clue of what is good for me or who is right for me or what is and is not a good idea. I'm learning that its so impossibly good to be with someone who laughs at my midget jokes and makes them right along with me. I'm learning that having a man make me laugh uncontrollably from my gut is impossibly sexy. That being with someone who is as equally messed up as you in the very same ways is fun, and nice, and really comforting. I'm learning to just chill out and relax in a good thing and not think too much and just stop being so damn bossey.

I'm learning that someone making you uncomfortable isn't the sign that you need to run in the opposite direction. Its just a sign that I've finally met my match and its about damn time I stopped being in control all the time.

I'm learning that the word smitten does not come anywhere close to describing what I'm feeling right now. I'm learning that I am a fucking sap. And I love it. But will continue to mock it endlessly while secretly secretly loving it.

I'm learning that falling into something is terrifying but the terror lets you know you're really living. I'm learning that I have no idea what's around the corner. And that things come when your ready for them. I'm learning I can't stop smiling. And its about damn time.

baby baby baby

2006-08-06T19:54:00.000-05:00

I still haven't unpacked. Its now August, and I've been in Houston since April and I'm still living out of a suitcase. Well suitcases. I'm entirely too much of a clothes whore to live out of one suitcase for any significant period of time.

More of my things arrived today. More clothes. My linens. But most importantly my painting stuff is finally here. I looked at easels today, since my brother in all his random awesomeness gave me a gift certificate to buy one, and I found myself contemplating how seriously I want to take painting. Its one of those things that I love and when its out of my life for large amounts of time I definately feel its absence. Like my arm is missing type of absence. But for some reason spending a chunk of money on a quality easel seems wrong. Like how much am I really going to paint to justify it. The whole thing is silly because I would just spend that same money on a cute pair of heels or yet another dress and in the long term the easel would make me happier.

So yea. Its totally amusing that the easel would be my first real piece of furniture. And in all honesty I'm probably just get a nice easel made out of oak and not one made of aluminum...but then again its me and I might just decide that the money would be better spend on a pair of black stilletos that have been calling my name.

And as for the boy. I like him enough to know I'm in trouble.

sh*t!

2006-08-05T05:03:00.001-05:00

Dear Internets,

I like a boy.
I like him a lot.
And he's not a plumber.

::gelluh::

/mush

38 hours naps make Mondays feel like a steel wall of pain

2006-07-31T23:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, so let's talk about Lindsay Lohan. Because I love her and think that she's getting unfairly picked on for being young, and hot, and slutty, and a self made multimillionaire, who likes to drink, and do some recreational drugs, and take slutty pictures. I mean really isn't that what America would like all its young women to turn into? If we're serious for just a bit and ignore that whole "pretend virgin" bs and just got real, then Lindsay really is the American dream. So why the double standard? Male actors do blow, act like sluts, stumble home at strange hours of the night and they're just called Irish or Australian or foreign or misunderstood. I understand all right though, you wanna have a good time, there's no shame in that, Ms. Lohan just wants to do the same thing but when she does she gets a scolding from her producing company. I smell the man at work here, and its just not right.

The girl works alot. She young, and youth only last for so long, so you should you know seize the day and what not. Besides which how many people do you know who can look this stunning coming out at last call? Not many.

ok bunch of links:

* This link is for lasu, who is afraid of the future. Its going to be ok, really.

* "Paris Hilton: Anti-Hero." Its mostly about pop music in general, but it does talk about Paris, who strangely I'm starting to actually like. I'm not quite sure how that happened.

* More evidence in video form that Johnny Depp is the coolest person on the planet. part one and two.

* Umm this site is like crack. Bad awful from the street corner crack. You have to click on the little boohbahs though and go to the part where they dance, because I kid you not I think I lost an hour of my life to this shit.

* If I had made all my millions from videos like this, I too would try to hide behind giant bags.

* This might be the perfect thing for me. Cute pet like object that I cant kill.

* a list of sexy movie scenes, which since they only list a couple of foreign films I totally do not agree with, because really i don't care how sexy tom cruise was in risky business but until you see the Polaroid scene in el sexo y lucia you have no idea what pretend movie sex should look like.

* Okay this video is funny and under 3 minutes. Its a win win.

* This little makeup how to series is awesome. And as an added bonus Elke has the most adorable accent.

* Have you met Face Hunter yet? Because until you have, you have not lived. Reasons I love include but are not limited to: I love seeing people have fun with clothes, I like looking at pretty people looking slightly off, I love clothes, I love clothes on foreigners wearing straight jackets as nuovo vougue, and seriously I love seeing people not taking themselves too seriously.

* Friday night was a weird night at the club. Weird awesome patron shots after last call are a totally bad/best idea ever type of night. There was a guy dressed as a pilot, which really I think says it all.

* A listing of the 50 best movie endings of all time. or something.

* And because just reading fluff rots your brain here's an update on the hpv vaccine. I don't understand why something this crucial isn't just being put inside lollipops and handed out to everyone and their mother. But you know that could just be me, and my irrational fear of dying of cancer.

ps: I'm obsessed with kellis' "bossy", dont worry though this should pass in like another week. or twelve. although for the life of me I cant comprehend whats going on in the video. like what alternate poddle and grilled filled paradise is she living in?

and then there was one.

2006-07-25T06:35:00.000-05:00

Blah.

For the past week Yara has been my constant companion. And now she is boarding her place and heading back to California. Ev left on Sunday and is already back in Boston. I miss them already. Sure I've been ruining on at most 6 hours of sleep and my place is a mess and I'm tired as hell, but this past week has been awesome. Like complete and total super busy perfection. There was a picnic at the park with fried chicken and biscuits. Swimming at 11am while still tipsy from the previous nights drinking. There was an awesome birthday dress. I saw some nipples which were perfection but will remain nameless. A soccer game. Colombian food. Venezuelan food. Greek food. A trip to a taqueria at midnight. I got into the club for free all by myself.

It was basically one full week of all my favorite things. Which is funny because really you rarely ever get to do just all of your favorite things and ignore everything else. Well I still went to work, but I just took hour long lunch breaks out of the office, which I'd never done before because I was a bit too consumed in getting everything done. The work/play balance was thrown off this week, but it was fabulous. And I loved every moment of it.

Plus having your birthday fall on a Saturday is an incredible dangerous thing. Because you go out on Friday and then again on Saturday and by the time Sunday hits you take a pass on that wine at dinner, because your liver just cant take anymore.

And my friends. My friends are awesome. I wanted everyone to meet them because they are just perfection. Crazy neurotic I am going to murder them in their sleep and then make out with them some more perfection. I'm convinced that Mount Holyoke women are a totally different deal. It was hilarious watching men try to talk them up and then being destroyed because they just don't stack up.

And the boys. They behaved themselves very well this weekend. And smelled especially good this weekend. I was really happy with them. Even if they couldn't decipher our humor and thought Yara was seriously a whore, and married, and had ten kids. But whatev, it was funny none the less.

Yea this past week was perfect.

Oh and my apartment? It rocks. I'm 20 minutes away from the airport. Down the street from my pho place, my favorite greek place, and the club, and my after club drunken eating place. Ten minutes from the best fried chicken in town, and the soccer stadium, and my job. I actually think I could get away with buying a vespa. So we'll see.

Memento mori

2006-07-16T18:54:00.000-05:00

This Carpe diem business is really tricky, because sure "seizing the day" sounds like a good idea but somehow before you know it your hanging out a hipster dive bar listening to screamo with two queens entirely too sober to just give in to the randomness of the evening wondering what weird decision in the night got you in this situation.

Yea. What started out as an early evening out turned into me driving someone home to the third ward at 2 in the morning. Not cool. At all. In the slightest. Because seizing the day shouldn't mean not getting your 8 hours of sleep because your driving a drunk home while trying to figure out the fastest possible way out of the ghetto and away from the prostitutes.

So yea. Good times. Or something like it.

Links!:

* If you have some time I highly recommend reading this, its about the study of happiness and its long but oh so good. Here's my favorite part:

And no matter where they live, human beings are terrible predictors of what will make them happy. If Stumbling on Happiness tells us anything, it's this. "Imagination?" says Gilbert, "is the poor man's wormhole." Our imagination has an odd knack for Photoshopping things in and airbrushing things out, which is why we think that getting back together with our exes is a good idea; it also tends to mistake our present feelings for future ones, which is why, when we decide to marry the right person, we find it unthinkable we'?ll ever be tempted to sleep with anyone else. At the same time, we forget that our imagination has a miraculous ability to rationalize its way out of grim situations- which is why we're more likely to take a positive view of things we did than things we didn'?t (so go ahead and ask that woman to marry you), more comfortable with decisions we can?'t reverse than ones we can, and more apt to make the best of a terrible situation than a merely annoying one.

* Too cute!

* Since Israel is blowing things up I figure it needs some good pr right now, so its in that spirit that I share this video with you.

* Pure random absurd humor in video form.

* "You can't be a bear."

A plumber, a lawyer, and a catholic schoolgirl walk into a bar...

2006-07-15T15:03:00.000-05:00

If we weren't sluts we wouldn't have any fun.

That my friends was the quote of the night. I was in the restroom stall ignoring the crying drunk girl at the sink when suddenly one of her other drunk friends in an effort to comfort delivers possibly the greatest line ever uttered in the history of dumb drunk girls everywhere.

It's so true though. Its brilliance lies in its simplicity. If you always did the "right thing" the "smart thing" the "appropriate thing" you would never have any fun. All work and no play, you know?

In the spirit of no work and no play I had a really good night last night. An awesome night. My week was super long. It was all meetings, and trial by fire, and your the only person in the department Jessica, and stare at asp for 8 hours a day, and drop what your doing and go to this meeting in Sugarland, and then order some shirts, and figure out where the faxes come in. A lot of working went on this week. So I needed some major sitting at a bar and drinking to take the edge off the week.

So I did. A couple of Woodchuck Ambers later and the week doesn't seem so rough. Normally when I'm behaving I have 2 drinks and maybe a shot the entire night. Lets just say that it was 12 something and I was way past my quota.

But the drinking was only one part of the fun though. The real fun started way before then when I was getting dressed and wanted to be at once lazy and cute. So I traded my suit pants for a plaid mini-skirt and voila I went from Annie Hall to Catholic Schoolgirl. Now you have to know that my dressing up as a schoolgirl is funniest to myself. Its absurdly funny, so I go with it. Plus I think pretty girls in particular are much too serious about getting dressed. Its all sexy top, cute heels, and jeans and not nearly enough random catholic girl getups. So really I'm doing this for humanity.

So drinking + a catholic schoolgirl getup= getting hit on by my friend's lawyer. The man was like old, but he was rich and it was funny. He knew it wasn't going to happen, but he did it anyways. I like that. I didn't like it enough to go to New York with him on his jet though. So its official that I do not have a gold digger bone in my body. Good times.

I also got hit on by a plumber, but he's adorable and called today just like he said he would so that's impressive. He also didn't give me a look when I told him I majored in Women's Studies, so really he has two things going for him. We'll see what comes of it though.

Okay and now one link:

* Reason a billion and one why I <3 Madeline Albright:

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright on women in power: "I'm not a person who thinks the world would be entirely different if it was run by women. If you think that, you've forgotten what high school was like." (via the fix)

its what we are

2006-07-13T19:32:00.000-05:00

In about a week or so I turn 23. To say I'm excited about it would be an understatement. I am beyond excited. For many reasons beyond the normal, "oh its my birthday."

I'm excited because my very favorite mohos are coming to visit. I'm excited because they both said they'd show up at the airport in bows. I'm excited because I officially have my own damn place and we are going to get so impossibly intoxicated on girly slumber party fumes I'm not going to sleep for a week.

So there's much excitement. There's also the big realization that I am turning 23.
And 23 is close to 25.
And 25 is close to 30.
And 30 is close to death.

So I'm glad I'm not close to death.

23 is the beginning of a lot of things though, I am realizing. Its the beginning of the baggage. Of the real honest to goodness baggage. Sure before 23 nutty people got married, experienced heart ache, got herpes, went to rehab, had big blowouts with folks, made some mistakes, you know the good stuff. But somehow I think 23 is that marker, where no longer do you just shrug those things off and you begin to weight your choices a lot more carefully.

I'm being so vague when really I'm talking about one thing. Before 23 I think people take a lot more chance on love and like and lust. After 23 I think there's a lot more caution, because experience has shown that if you give your heart away you get hurt. Or that eventually the butterflies pass and your left with a elbow to the face. I think there's more fear. At least that's what I've noticed amongst the 23yr olds I know.

There's a lot of "I'm not looking for anything serious, my last relationship was X amount of years and I don't wanna go through that again. I just wanna have fun." Which seems smart. Seems so prudent, but there's something to be said for just taking a stupid chance. Stupid chances defined my teens and well I didn't get herpes, and I survived. But by not being bold and taking a chance possibilities are lost. Hope is lost. If your cautious all the time, and think everything through then you over think everything and you miss that window where you just kiss that girl/guy and say the hell with it to over thinking what it means and the repercussions.

I think you miss out on living when your weighed down by all that baggage.

But then again what do I know? My motto is currently "I don't need no stinking boyfriend telling me what to do. I just wanna have fun."

What do I know really I'm just turning 23. I'm just a kid.

re*gret

2006-07-11T18:29:00.000-05:00

n.
1. A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone.
2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.

Regret is the dirtiest of all words to me. Its what I avoid most in life. It is, many times, my main motivation in deciding whether or not I'll do something. The question is always "will I regret it if I don't?" not "will I regret it if I do?" because quite frankly if I know that I would have regretted not doing it then it negates whether or not after the fact I regret having done it. Its not even a conversation in my head really. Well its a short conversation that goes like this:

"Damn I shouldn't have done that"
"But if I hadn't I would have regretted not doing it"
"eh well then it was worth it"

And that's that. Because I'm a big girl and even though I'm notoriously flaky when I make a decision I made it. And so what if future Jessica thinks that was a bad decision the Jessica that made that decision thought it was a good idea. And so what if I'm drunk or high on pheromones or what have you I made a decision and I always think its so stupid to qualify things after the fact. I always feel like I have to own up to whatever I've done and not just shrug it off and say "well I was drunk." In reality it should go more like "yes I was drunk, but I also decided it was a good idea at the time and I have to live with that."

And live with it I do. For the most part though it works out. It means that I take chances, even knowing full well that a huge possibility exist that things aren't going to work out. Moving to Erie? Not the greatest idea. But I'm so glad I took a leap of faith. And okay so I crashed and burned and killed some innocents along the way, eventually it wont hurt so bad. All wounds heal. Eventually at some point.

Its better than wishing that I had just kissed that boy and called him back and moved in with him but not having done it because he might laugh in my face or betray me or not marry me. Haha. Its too soon to joke about that one. Eventually though it wont be.

Eventually.

And now links:

* Today at work I started at asp code all day. After 6 hours of it I feel like this.

* Do you want to head butt like Zidane? Well now you can.

* And why Zidane proved that soccer is not the sport of suburban soccer moms.

* funny ad.

* I love jews. A little more than a should probably. So this list is totally going up on my fridge, as soon as I move out in like a week.

* I got this from Brent. Whos blogging more now because he can. Best part of the interview though:

HR: I get "Ya know I'm really depressed and I'll never meet a girl like that again and I'm twenty-one." Son, you're twenty-one. It is a big world out there and you are going to have a really good time. You are gonna meet lots of women, and humans are complex tricky creatures. If only we were dogs then shit would work out better but humans are very complex. There are a lot of reasons that things don't work so you don't have to call the girl a bitch because everything a person does is coming from a real reason. She cheated on you? Well, she wasn't getting what she needed from you. She is getting something she needed from this other fellow, or woman or whatever that she left you for, so you gotta move on. But don't kill yourself. Don't drink yourself into a stupor. Don't drive to the guy's house. None of that stuff is appropriate behavior. And believe it or not, you're gonna be fine.

Campioni!

2006-07-09T17:49:00.000-05:00

Super happy about the Italy win. The moment it looked like they were going to go to penalty kicks I knew Italy was going to win because its always the team that doesn't look so hot during the game that wins during penalties. Normally this bothers me but since I hate the French (for reasons that are unknown even to me) I thought it was awesome.

So yea that's that. Yesterday the Houston Dynamo played against Chivas USA and they won 3 to 1. The game was awesome in spite of the fact that it was delayed for 30 minutes because of the rain. Not so awesome was the 5 hours of sleep I was running on because I am a genius and decided that it would be wise to end my evening Friday night with a shot of pure evil. I have no idea what was in that damn thing but I know I never want to drink it again. Well not unless I want to short circuit every bit of good reasoning in my body again and drive home in the rain less than sober. Not a smart move on my part. And normally I'm super good about that, but like I said that shot was evil. And I promise to never ever do it again. The end.

My engineer shorts finally got to meet the world on Friday night and they were a big hit because they are adorably short. They did inspire one of the bouncers to molest my hand and for that I must remember to always use the shorts for good and not evil. And to stay far far away from giant bouncers who are 5 times my size when I go out. But then again there are probably worse things in life than having a bouncer want to molest your hand. Like having a bouncer kick you out of a club. So that's good too.

When we finally made our way out of the club though it was raining and there was no way I could get my suede pumps wet. Because they mean more to me than life itself and I cant replace them. And since I wasn't drunk enough to think walking barefoot on dirty Houston sidewalks was a good idea, Lasu had to give me a piggy back to my car. Well a piggyback ride to the garage he made me walk on dirty garage pavement, to the 4th floor. I figure that he owes me from countless evenings that I've spent babysitting him so its ok.

And yea that's that. Some where in this evenings debauchery I completely messed up my back. Like it hates me now. And its my entire back that hurts, so I wish I knew what I did to it so I could make sure to never do that again. And yea that's that.

Exciting stuff, I know.

ps: If you haven't heard Justin Timberlakes 'SexyBack' yet you should do so right now. Its good catchy stuff.

* Do you love Ghostbusters as much as I do? Well you'll be pleased to know that you can now watch it in gif form.

* I love books. My daddy loves books. My brother loves books. My mom... well she likes books. Anyways we all love books, so when I read that "80% of US families did not buy or read a book last year" I was shocked. And yet not shocked because I already knew that my family is abnormal. Anyways the other stats in there are interesting and you may want to glance through them.

* "I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!" This article (from the Onion for those of you who cant decipher satire) is super funny and you should read it now. Oh and I found it here.

* "Smoking is a dirty habit. It's a dirty habit for a dirty little girl" This quote right there is why I love Lindsay Lohan so.

* And finally "The Garden State Effect" a great article music and people listening to certain bands simply because they're lemmings and what not.

Jump in

2006-07-05T19:06:00.000-05:00

Five day weekends are magical things. Not so magical is the pain of waking up at 6am after 5 days straight of not waking up until around noonish. It was a great weekend. An awesome weekend. The type of weekend were you kind of forget you have this awesome job that you normally go to for 5 days a week and instead think your life revolves around pubs, yummy food, and futbol.

Sadly however my life now also revolves around being painfully not awake and yet still being forced to function for 8 hours. I had kinda forgotten that my brain isn't really awake before noon. Which is why I spent the majority of my day doing data entry, because it requires the absolute minimum of brain cells to get the job done right. And by the majority I mean to say that I spent 8 hours entering data. I have the sneaking suspicion that in my dreams tonight I'll be entering data.

Good times.

Last night though we went to the Dynamo game after watching the totally awesome Italian victory over those awful Germans. The game ended up being tied one to one. And it was sprinkling throughout the entire night. Not so fun when you consider its Houston in the summer and the air is already impossibly humid. Its also been raining for a week straight and will continue to rain for about another week. Which sucks.

Ah but best part of the game was the opening which featured a fly over which was pretty cool, but the best part by far were the skydivers which fell right above the stadium and looked like they were going to crash into the stadium and then managed to some how land smack in the middle of the playing field. Coolest thing I've ever seen.

Well except for that time I saw that kitten bitch slap a baby. But that's a story for another day. In the meantime here are the links:

* How to cut a mango, in video form. Mangoes are my favorite fruit. I could eat them ever day. I put salt on them and like them cold. Its magical. The only problem is that I make a bloody mess every time I eat them. So I have to load up on paper towels to eat them which cuts down on the places where I can eat them. This video how to however might just change my life allowing me to eat mangoes in more places than ever before.

* awesome awesome tattoos. via myaimistrue

* My friends are lovely. They are also idiots. In the interest of their well being I bring you how to avoid being arrested in video form, for those of you who don't like to read.

* This picture is a couple of years old, but it perfectly illustrates my personal philosophy that you can in fact be too old to rock teeny tiny shorts. Which is why if you can you should do so now while you still can and lose the leggins.

* beer clip. simple genius.

* did you ever want the internet to tell you
what celebrity you most looked like? well today is your lucky day.

* My entire life I've been partial to nice boys. I've never been one for assholes. Well, not obvious assholes, some of them are pretty sneaky. Anyways if you need to be converted over to the much happier side of life this list will help you see the light.

* Okay this is long, but soo worth it. "When you cant earn an MBA: Thoughts on getting ahead without an MBA" read it, pass it along.

* And finally the banana that you know and love is on the verge of extinction. Don't worry though, science will save the day. Okay, well worry a little, but not too much because it happened before and we survived. Also long, also worth reading.

wasting time

2006-07-01T20:27:00.000-05:00

So umm I had this super awesome post. It was epic. It was witty. Then firefox got mad at me and ate it. So just be aware that I can already tell that this post is not going to be nearly as epic as the one that was just lost. I'll give you a moment to mourn.

Moment gone. Basically though I've been mia for a week because I have an 8 to 5 (well really an 8:30 to 5 something ish) and I'm still in that magical brand new job phase were I don't spend 85% of my day stalking people on facebook. I don't think it really sunk in that I was actually employed for real until I deleted my "jobs I should apply to folder." Best. Feeling. Ever. And I do mean ever. I don't wanna jinx it though but I really think this job is a really good fit for me. Its like every random thing I ever learned to do (except for welding) is being put to use. Case and point in this past week I've translated a brochure, stared at some code and created some web pages, entered stuff into a data base, edited a letter, and you know saved the world. Not bad for the first week. So I'd like to keep my job, hence my not blogging at work. I have no interest in getting dooced. And that's pretty much that.

I'll tell you the most random part of my week at work though. A woman who works for the Finland version of us came to visit the office and she was the most stunning woman I have ever seen. Like period. And I've seen a lot of pretty women. This woman though was abnormally stunning. Like for 10am in the middle of the week in some bad office lighting to be that stunning is not right. Which makes me wonder if she would have been considered that beautiful in Finland or if there she's like the average pretty woman. And if so why haven't we gone over there and conquered that shit?

I like how this is what I'm spending my time thinking about. Also I've realized that working cuts right into my reading-every-damn-thing-on-the-internet time. Which means that I spent about 7 hours today (I wish was I was joking about that number) catching up on everything I missed. and let me tell you I missed alot.

So here's what I missed:

* Brooke Hogan (Hulk Hogan's daughter) made a music video. Well her daddy's money made a music video. And it makes me feel bad for her. Very very bad because when Paris Hilton makes a better music video than you, you know your in the wrong profession. She's a big girl too, like a pretty and big and tall girl she'd make a good wrestler maybe she should do that instead, I cant imagine Paris Hilton being a good wrestler, so she'd have her beat there.

* I'm so glad I'm not alone. Although I do have to say that having an all European world cup finals pretty much kills my interest in the cup. I'm rooting for Portugal and pretty much just hoping that anyone but the Germans win. But I'm not obsessed eating drinking sleeping it like I was at the beginning of the cup. Also I'd like to be the first to offer a conspiracy theory and say that this cup was rigged. Its insane and unthinkable that no Latin American teams or even a Asian team made it to the semi-finals. There were good teams that were robbed because of bad ref calls. So I say the refs were bought and this whole cup was sham. the end.

* I want these!

* a great little motivational blog post thing. even though I did an awful job describing it you should go read it. Its about removing barriers and getting shit done.

* If your dumb enough to wear flip flops to your office job then your not smart enough to get promoted. end of story.

* One of the billion reasons I never take any pictures that I wouldn't want my mother to see. And just so you know, unless you work with ron jeremy you totally don't want to read this at work.

* My goal is to finally finish reading "Love in the Time of Cholera" soon. I'm re-reading it in Spanish and it makes my brain hurt. Hence my putting it down and watching god awful tv instead. Once this is over and I destroy this book I'll be able to read something else, which is where this handy master reading list thing comes in.

* I was going to watch Superman today, but the movie was sold out. You should know that the only reason I'd even agreed to see the film was because alcohol was involved. But after reading this, I'm so much more interested in good ol' Clark Kent.

* And finally this. Last night I went out and in celebration of my new job wore my celebration dress. Otherwise known as the naked dress. Now I'm not actually naked in this dress, as always everything is covered. There just isn't that much coverage. And its all held together with some string. A good dress. Anyways for the first time in wearing this dress I got attention in a way that very much made me uncomfortable. And it wasn't even crude or anything like that, it was just coming from people that I don't want looking at me like that. But there was some leering and I wanted to disappear. Or find a sweater. Anyways it was the type of thing that only happens when you find yourself in the midst of a pack of men. Which is pretty much my entire social life now. Male attention is a funny thing, and for some reason unlike the blogger whose post I linked to up there, I've never gotten mad at being looked at and cat called or harassed, because I honestly think its me. Because my skirts are really tiny, and men cant help themselves, and if I don't wanna get leered at dry clean that burka and rock that shit in the club. And the fact that I honestly feel its my fault that I'm getting leered at is sad. Yea okay I'm cute and you can look, but no matter how revealing the outfit you should always be respectful of the person in it. Cause there's a person in there under all those breasts./rant

Wayne Rooney is an ugly troll

2006-06-25T15:34:00.000-05:00

So clearly I have a problem. An addiction if you will. It started innocently enough, like these things always do. A game with my dad. Then another. But things were under control. It was only a weekend thing. Then the worldcup hit. And suddenly I was watching 3 games a day. Watching games that I had no reason to be watching (Tunisia vs Saudia Arabia anyone?) Not just passively watching the games mind you, but seriously interested and invested in the outcome. I knew myself well enough to know that I needed to kick this habit and return to my normal life. During the Argentina vs Netherlands match I went to go see Nacho Libre. But I spent most of the movie txt messaging various people to make sure I didn't miss anything. But even then things were still under control.

Ok so not really. About 80% of my conversations now are about the world cup. Its pretty much all that I talk about with my daddy. Gone are the days when we bitched about politics. Now we talk strategy, bitch about refs, and make predictions about future games. So far so good. We've called the Argentinian, German, and Portugal win. If it wasn't for those dirty stupid brits the much better and much more awesome Ecuadorian team would have also gone through.

Thankfully those awful brits will get a taste of their own medicine when they play against Portugal. Wayne Rooney and his ugly mug are going down.

/crazed soccer rant

Now the real problem though is that tomorrow I rejoin the working world. And will no longer be able to watch the games live. So tomorrow will be the real test of my ability to get a handle on this little vice.

Okay and now links!:

* This was totally made for me. Its at once cute and just a wee bit disturbing.

* Brent noticed that the french teams jersey's have a little colar on them which started a discussion on uniforms. Google came to the rescue once again and brought me this.

* The Urban Etiquette guide. Best. Thing. Ever. How do you politely handle a one night stand? This and other highly important questions are answered. So go read it right now.

* 100 awesome music videos. The title says it all.

* Ask a ninja explains net neutrality.

* Oh and my curiosity? Totally another addiction. A delicious delicious addiction.

tequila makes her clothes fall off

2006-06-21T18:46:00.000-05:00

Having your very best friends on opposite sides of the continental US makes a girl sad. Impossibly sad on even the sunniest days. The whole idea of best friends is pretty laughable, and I use the term simultaneously as irony and truth. The idea rings back to a time long since past when who your best friend was changed by the week, dependent on which way the wind was blowing, and who had the best type of pudding at lunch. My best friend for ten something years was always the same person until there was a falling out, well I fell out, she stayed the same. But I like so few people and I'm so very fickle that these two who currently are my very best friends, really are my very best friends. They're stuck deep in my pit. And if I ever ponder for too long the reality of their absence in my life I want to just pack my bags and pick a coast just so at least I could be close to one of them.

Alas though, its not meant to be right now. Which sucks. An impossible amount. Because navigating time zones and work schedules and significant others makes the distance real. And reality and me aren't friends right now.

Technology makes everything better though. And I know I can always call and harass. But I miss being able to walk across the hall and walk into an unlocked room and steal some doritos and drink some rum and bitch about the day.

Essentially I miss college. In a way I never thought I would. I don't miss the papers or the classes or the books or the boondocks or the smell of manure. I don't miss any of those things. I miss skipping class to gossip on the hill and take in the sun. I miss the drive to Boston, and the singing and talking and daydreaming that killed the hour and made the traffic worthwhile. I miss having someone that made an hour and half drive in the middle of the night seem like a brilliant idea.

So yea that's where I am. Best friends on opposite sides of the country. No boy to daydream about. No escape. Just me and reality.

This growing up stuff, it stinks.

puffy hair = sad jes

2006-06-20T16:21:00.000-05:00

So its been raining for the last 4 something days. Lots of rain. Enough rain that its the first thing everyone talks about. Enough rain that Houston was on the front page of the nytimes (at least the online edition, I don't read the newspaper edition). Fortunately I love rain. Its my favorite weather condition. I like the way the air smells during a thunderstorm. The sound of giant raindrops hitting my window. The way my car slides around a little bit and I have zero visibility and suddenly driving to the grocery store requires more brain cells than it typically does. All of it is good.

Except for the humidity. Which is already bad in Houston. Bad enough that if you've never been in Houston during the summer or really at any point during the year you have no idea what humidity is actually like. In Erie I had finally figured out the perfect combination of products and the exact order in which to put them in to get my hair to perfectly curl. Now that I'm back in Houston my hair refuses to play along. With all the rain its pretty much impossible to get it to not puff up.

So I'm seriously considering chopping it all off and doing some cute pixie thing just so I don't have to go all Bill Nye on my hair to get it to behave again. Only problem is that there's always that awful stage when your hair is growing out where no matter what you do its just angry. So basically I don't know what I'm doing with my hair and I just wasted a good couple of minutes of your life talking to you about it. Sorry about that.

Ok here are the links, there are a ton of them so try to keep up:

* Pretty much everyday I go to the park and eat lunch with my daddy. Because its fun and I'm a dork, get over it. Anyways there are always a ton of ants trying to eat me alive and with all the rain I started to wonder what ants do exactly when it starts to rain. My daddy and I theorized some stuff until I got curious enough to just google it and get this answer. Which was good and all but when google just wont cut it there's this old school solution.

* This is just creepy. via apartmenttherapy

* I love men that smell good. After 4 years being away from men at moho, my sense of smell is hyperdeveloped. Meaning that in a room full of women I could tell when I man entered the room first by smell and then by sight. So this new commercial with Nick Lachey amuses me greatly.

* "Gay Until Penetration" awesome article from the villagevoice.

* Another funny colbert video.

* How to make your own ac take 2.

* A great but long interview with Damon Dash.

* Victoria Beckham aka "Posh" is the scariest woman alive. Can we talk about her breasts for a moment though? What exactly is going on there? If you know please let me know. Oh this woman gives me the creeps too. Mostly because no mother of 4 should look like this. Its unnatural.

* I'm all about the sexy nerd look. that's all I 'm willing to share about that.

* I couldn't finish a crossword puzzle to save my life. Which is weird because I love logic puzzles and I love words. For some reason though I can never figure out the clues. So I cheat. Its wrong and it makes me feel dirty, but it gets the job done. I'm more of a suduko type of girl, even still I found this article/interview with the guy who makes the crosswords for the nytimes super entertaining.

* When soccer players yell at the refs what language are they speaking in? Slate answers this pressing question.

Young and restless and bored*

2006-06-18T13:01:00.000-05:00

There was a hoochie contest at the club Friday night. A veiled "model search" that was really just a way to discovered the hoochiest of the hoochie. The club is 21 and up though and the majority of these professional hoochies were under 21, so their parents were there. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to be at your normal spot and look around and see a bunch of 50 year olds drinking bud light. Just so you know this isn't the type of place were you drink bud light. So even at the very beginning of the night, the entire vibe was odd.

So lets ignore for a moment the complete absurdity of taking your 19 year old daughter out to a club to let her prance around in a micro skirt and a g string in front of a group of drunken strangers while you stand back and clap and drink your bud light and focus instead on these young women instead. First of all they all looked way older than me, which doesn't really take much because I'm really more of a mascara and lip gloss kind of girl. I'm constantly being told that I look much younger than I am, which is fine because I figure that when I'm 78 I'll be the one who comes out ahead.

Anyways, so one of these girls asks my friend to buy her a drink. She's totally up front that its all she wants from him and he's cool with it because she's hot enough. Now the bartender whose a good friend of his (because he's there three times a week) tells him he's only going to make him the drink if its for him and since we're all pleasantly tossed at that point we don't get what he's talking about. So my friend gives her the drink and the bartender gets pissed and drama ensues because the girl isn't 21. Now to his credit even I had no idea she wasn't 21 because honestly I never looked at her face. She was all breasts. So if I didn't look at her face, there's no way he ever stopped to look at her face.

Now the other thing is she was hot and a lot of these girls were hot only because they weren't wearing any clothes. When your walking around in some shiny cloth and some tape its very easy to be considered hot. Much harder is being attractive when your actually wearing some clothes. The moment you stopped staring at their totally bought and paid for matel breasts and looked at their faces, it was total disappointment. Which is sad because even if your going to be a hooch you might as well be a pretty hooch. But maybe you go into hoochy-doom because your more of a Monet than a Cezanne.

Either way it was amusing enough to watch them prance around. Endlessly more amusing though was the swimsuit portion when they all started walking around the club in their bikinis. Now I think it must take some incredibly large balls to be able to walk around a club where everyone else is totally dressed and you're pretty much naked. Now technically they were "clothed" but honestly if you'd seen these bikinis you would have realized that it was only a mere technicality. A technicality that was necessary because it would have been totally disconcerting if they had actually been walking around butt naked.

And yea that was my night. That and some babysitting followed by some delicious buttermilk pancakes. The end.

*I'm currently obsessed with Bob Seager and I'm not quite sure how that happened. Anyways the title comes from his "night moves" an awesome awesome song.

aint no other man*

2006-06-15T15:30:00.000-05:00

I'm not the most patient person in the world. And me saying that right now is the understandment of the year. Its something that I'm trying to work on, yet find it impossibly amusing. Like one of those quirks about me that are impossibly annoying and yet just a little bit endearing. Well at least to myself. It annoys the hell out of other people. In the four billion years Andy and I were dating I don't think he ever once managed to give me a gift before my figuring out what was inside. Because I don't like waiting until I unwrap something to know what's inside. I like to know now.

So waiting to get hear back after my interview was excruciating. I made it worse though by really doing nothing but waiting. And checking my email obsessively. Until finally I heard something. They want me to come in for a second interview. Which would be just a good thing if I wasn't so patient-ly challenged. Thankfully the interview is tomorrow, and I wont die waiting until then. So after that we'll see what happens.

ok now links:

* the title comes from christina aguilera's new single which is really catchy

* Not the hottest looking site, but it provides interesting and relevant information on average salaries for different jobs.

* You should go read this post by my bro. Its amusing.

* If you enjoy watching cars crash into each other this video is for you.

* A cool little calculator lets you know how much your saving over time by making your own lunch instead of eating out every day. via lifehacker

* My love for meat is apparently inherited from my folks. Well that and its just so yummy.

* Are you lacking cuteness in your life? This video should cure you of that.

* Yesterday the most exciting game by far was the Saudia Arabia vs Tunisia match. In games like these though sometimes I don't know who to root for, so I root for whichever country is more of an underdog. If your politically inclined there's this handy guide that lets you know who you should root for. Oh and if you're like me and love soccer and fashion there's this article from the nytimes.

* Remember when I was traveling and was attacked by that creepy machine thing? No, well heres a picture of it.

white chocolate flavor

2006-06-12T14:31:00.000-05:00

Umm I have nothing to say today. Odd. I'm just obsessively checking my email waiting for some folks to get back to me. That and watching bad tv while I still can. I'm doing some vaguely productive stuff though like looking for a cute little apartment. But I don't consider that real productivity since I'm not calling places up and setting up appointments just yet. Mostly because until I sign something I wont actually believe that I'm staying in Houston.

and yea that's all I've got.

Ok here's a handfull of links:

* Today the Us played the Czechs and they sucked. Sucked so much I don't even wanna talk about it, I just want to pretend it didn't happen. So that's what I'm going to do. Instead I'm going to point you over to this clip of Colbert telling folks that their goal should be to ignore soccer. Clearly he's just being funny, but far scarier is having that exact same argument used for real. Seriously arguing that Americans don't like soccer because they're more evolved and like sports where people use their hands, is just an ignorant argument. Americans more evolved than the rest of the world? Somehow I doubt that.

* Here's an interesting and thoughtful article on why Brazilian soccer stars go by one name.

* A duh article from the nytimes on how stuff you do online can keep you from getting a job.

* Good solid advice for recent grads and young adults alike.

* A great article on how to avoid all the junk they sell in supermarkets.

* And finally something too cute! and something a bit creepy.

* Oh and this shirt was totally made for me:

Its pink and funny mean. Just like me.

el numero ocho

2006-06-09T14:59:00.000-05:00

Okay so I'm sorry but I'm going to have to inflict this on you. I know you don't like Paris Hilton anymore than I do, and that out of sheer curiosity you listened to her song the other day, and that watching the video is something you don't really want to do. But you must. Because its so tragically funny that you need to watch it.

I must warm you though that the more you listen to her song the further into your brain it goes, until you find yourself losing perspective and not hating it. I know its shameful to admit, but someone must be brave and shed all of their pride and just say it. So I'll say it. I don't hate her song.

man I feel dirty.

But the thing is I think this is really not a reflection of me but a reflection of how bad pop music is these days. Given the choice between Ashlee Simpson and her new nose and Paris Hilton, well that's not really much of a choice is it? I'm going to argue that the lesser evil is Paris Hilton, because this isn't her "career" not really. Unlike Ashlee Simpson who really thinks she can sing, Paris knows what she's good at. Which is nothing. Which is why she spends so much money to make herself sound good. And she spends "her own" money on it, which is better than wasting someone else's money on making you sound good.

The video though. The video is tragic. She's trying so hard to be sexy. So hard to seduce and it just doesn't work. Which is particularly sad because she's devoted her life to going out and dancing and to watch her dance in the video I feel sad for her and her lack of dancing ability. Calling what she does in the video "dancing" is a stretch. Although I once watched a contemporary dance production where the dancing consisted of 5 women walking from one side of the stage to the other. So maybe this is avant garde and I just don't get it.

So yea. good times.

links!:

* World cup started today! For those of you that don't know even the most basic rules there's this. Plus beefy pictures of soccer stars. Always a plus.

* In praise of boxer briefs. I once knew a man who went commando and it was the most disturbing thing. Same goes for briefs. When it comes to male underwear there's really just one sane choice.

* This game is at once addicting and disturbing. Plus there are kittens and you can never have too many kittens in your life. Thanks to lasu for bringing it into my life.

* A nice essay on basic digital photography. via lifehacker

* Also from lifehacker, comes cooking for engineers, a cooking guide for those with impossibly analytical minds. andy I'm looking at you.

* How to stay in good shape while partying like a rockstar.

* Cool interview with William H. Macy.

* This little clip once again shows why I <3 Jon Stewart so.

* I love knowing odd stuff about people. Like what they carry in their bags. What they have in their fridge. Or their car. Or in their wallets. Some people describe this as being nosy. I like to think of this as just being insatiably curious. Which is a good thing.

* The cervical cancer vaccine has been approved. Which is good news, but now comes the real battle when the committee determines who will have access to the vaccine. via feministing which provides some great analysis of why its not time to celebrate just yet.

maneater

2006-06-07T18:57:00.001-05:00

Dear Internets,

I have an interview. For tomorrow. With a nonprofit. Doing what I actually want to do. And they found me I didn't even directly apply.

Today has totally redeemed itself.

And since blogger has stopped being obnoxious I can share with you all these links:

* Al Gore likes to bum people out. We all know this. Now though you can personally see how much of the problem you are by going here and determining your impact on the Earth.

* Sometimes I come across something and I'm reminded of how naive I really am. This is one of those times. Did you know that the US will grant citizenship to known torturers? Cause I sure didn't. Because clearly I've been living in la-la land and thought that there was some sort of system to determine if people were qualified to live in the US.

* An incredible op-ed that brings a totally different perspective to the whole Plan B debate (ie not making it available over the counter because the Bush administration is full of tools). If there's only one thing your going to read today that's going to use your brain, this should be it. via feministing.

* So I listened to the Paris Hilton song. Clearly anyone can be made to sound good using the wonder that is technology. I just wish the wonder that is technology was being used on something a billion times more beneficial to humanity than Paris Hilton. Just so you know this is a direct link to her song, so its going to start loading immediately. I'm just letting you know so you can keep your shame of listening to it away from your coworkers.

* Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is the messiah. And now you can ask her questions.

* So cute!

* Umm. Don't open this around people. And I got it from Lasu. And honestly I don't wanna know how he came across it. I just know you need to see it.

* The symmetry thesis is simple:

A given person likes (loves) you as much as you like (love) him or her

I think its bs and yet strangely true all at the same time.

* National Geographic has a lovely series of essays of why soccer rules the world.

running just as fast as you can

2006-06-02T15:50:00.000-05:00

It seems that 80% of the work that I did during college is now lost. A couple of months ago I switched from my desktop to my brand new itty bitty laptop. I assumed that I had moved all of my files, but I was being pretty lazy about the whole thing because well I was in Erie and I was being pretty lazy about life. So today when I was searching through my files it suddenly hit me that I'd only moved over some of my women's studies stuff. But the majority of my work, all those italian papers I wrote, all that umass stuff, all of my economics stuff was gone. Not anywhere on my laptop. Strangely I feel kinda okay about the whole thing. Its not like I read any of that stuff after I turned it in. At the same time though I kinda need it for writing samples. And you know to have something beyond a tiny diploma to show for 4 years of saturday nights spent at the library.

Andys going to look over the computer in Erie and see if miraculously any of the files are still there. I doubt it though. I left in a rush and I distinctly remember telling him to just delete everything. I do have hard copies of stuff. Well some stuff, not all of it. Yet another reminder to back absolutely everything up.

okay its link time:

* Okay this video is great for about a billion reasons. I'll just give you the top three: 1) its maradona 2) the song is impossibly happy and 3) his shorts are so tiny they'll make you giggle just a bit.

* This video makes it possible for me to inflict mattress mack on the rest of the world. Actually mtv did that, I'm just passing the link along.

* The number of people that you've had sex with is a number that isnt easily disclosed. Unless your bragging or talking to someone your close to, it really isnt something people like to talk about. There's too much judgment. Both good and bad. A more interesting number would be how many people you wished you'd slept with. Or the number of times you've had sex. Or number of times you had sex but would have rather been watching some bad tv instead. This article from the village voice talks about the dreaded number and why we shouldnt pay so much attention to it at all.

glacial motion

2006-05-31T15:56:00.000-05:00

I have a love hate thing going on with my cell phone. For starters I never wanted a cell phone. I'm not one of those people who must have the newest cutest tiniest cell to flash around to their friends. A)Most of my friends don't really care about these things and B)Most of my friends care entirely too much about these things and there's no way I'd be able to pick something that would amaze them. More than that though it would be pointless. I drop my phone at least twice a day. Probably because I like to carry it in my hand next to my lip gloss and keys, just so that in the rare chance that I need to call 911 between the walk to the car and the house well I'm prepared. A la girl scout. So something impossible cute and tiny would die within a week of being in my possession.

I've only used my cell in an actual emergency once, like a week ago when my mom's car stalled and I had no clue what the hell I was supposed to do. For emotional emergencies though the cell phone is my life line. Creepy man tries to talk to me on the street? I'm on my phone immediately. Boy troubles making me nutty? I start calling my trifecta to see who picks up the phone first.

So that's the love part. The hate part is much more pronounced. I hate my phone. I hate calling people on the phone, it makes me uneasy. Probably because I'm a rambler with a touch of ADD so its hard for me to keep track of everything that comes into my brain and in what order I said it and then wait what was my point. I'm much better in print. Because I can delete things, and spell check, and google things. Over the phone I'm a mess. Which is why I don't call people. Well lets rephrase that, I call some key people obsessively to talk about every micro crisis, real and imagined. But that's only like 1% of my phone list. The other 99% I'd rather die or I don't know eat Taco Bell than actually call them on the phone. Unless its for directions then I'm ok.

Which is why texting is the best thing known to man. Because its just like iming someone but using your phone. There's none of that weird chit chat that I hate, or any of that "oh are you busy, can you talk" kind of bs. Whatever random thing popped into your head can be sent out and be answered by the other person at their own convenience. Like when they're stuck in traffic or stuck in some horrible awful comedy show and you need to talk to someone immediately about how much you just want to die right now. Texting allows for me to multitask in real life as much as I do online. Because online at any moment I have at least five tabs open, plus some minesweeper, video or music, and an aim conversation or two. In real life I have to focus on one thing, even when I'd much rather be doing something else. With texting though I can be the good daughter and have two hour dinners with my folks while still talking to someone else, without the rudeness of getting up and answering the phone.

The only thing is with a cell I always feel obligated to answer it, because if you dont there's a bit of the "umm I called you why didn't you answer" thing which I hate. Because I'm forgetful and like to leave my phone on silent and then leave it in the kitchen next to the peaches. Unlike email where sure you have to answer it right away but there's like a one day to two day window where you have the time to answer it without feeling like you have to apologize for your complete inability to stay on top of your email. So I hate my phone. Because my mom likes to call me and then I have to answer and sometimes I just don't want to answer. Which is the main reason I didn't have a cell for 5 years or so.

But now I do and I'm hooked and what are you going to do, not have a cell? Then what would you have to do when creepy men start trying to talk to you? Talk to them? I think not.

Ok and now the links:

* The world cup starts June 9th. In preparation I have begun reading a lot of soccer stuff so I can better appreciate the game and know whats up. If you want to also stay in the know there's this.

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." - Bill Shankly, the former Liverpool coach.

Oh those silly Brits they're not going to win this year. Although if they did, that would be something.

* I love tiny cars. Probably because I love tiny things that are jes sized, the way all things should be really. well most things should be tiny, not crucial things like steaks or tvs.

* This thing is so cool. You type in an author and whatever authors appear closest to it are other authors you would enjoy. The listing is just getting started so everyone isn't on there yet, but they have Grace Paley so its a good enough start. And perfect for me because whenever I go into a bookstore I always just end up having to flip through the first couple of pages of a book to see if its good or not.

* On the book kick there's this nifty slide show from Slate about classic novels done with pulp book covers.

* How to make your own ac unit. If you like to build things and have the space and design aesthetic to accommodate a garbage can in the middle of your home. I'm looking at you Jose.

* A nifty little ad.

* Wtf? Here's the thing, I know butts are all the rage right now but umm seriously? This thing doesnt look like fun. And plus the let down when your clothes come off, would be intense.

* A very nice article from Slate arguing for the ethical reasons why meat should be made in the lab and not slaughtered. As an fanatic meat eater and a tree hugging liberal I sometimes have a hard time justifying my love of meat. I typically just eat some bacon though and just shrug it off though.

* An article from the nytimes about the importance of net neutrality.

* Yet another reason to hate Bush. Followed by an even bigger reason to hate Bush.

* Over the weekend in Colombia President Alvaro Uribe won re-election in a landslide. I dont follow Colombian politics very closely, because its really depressing. But my general feeling about this news goes like this, any friend of Bush is no friend of mine. But at the same time anything that brings even the semblance of peace and order to Colombia is desperately needed. So I'll wait and see how this all plays out.

* Finally, the other day I watched this on PBS. Being a documentary on sex slavery it was impossibly sad. Especially the story of a man trying to get his pregnant wife released from these people. If you get a chance to watch it do, and if not the directors commentary on it is a must read.

"my mommy approved this outfit"

2006-05-28T14:01:00.000-05:00

Last night was interesting to say the least. I tried once again to wear my engineer shorts out of the house only to have my outfit vetoed by my mommy. Its really just a matter of semantics though, since I ended up wearing a skirt that's just as short, but for some reason my mom thinks that with a skirt I'm much less likely to be gang raped. Which is really just silly if you think about it. But I like to humor my mom so I let her veto my outfits from time to time. Leading to the quote of the night when my friends started hassling me about my outfit that "my mommy approved this outfit". That I actually said that and that its true makes me giggle.

The thing is though that whenever I go out there's at least one guy with me at all times. Normally though I'm in a group of 3 to 6 guys, which explains why no random guys try to talk to me and why the chances of me being gang raped are impossibly slim. This is why I can wear a teeny tiny skirt and not be worried that I was going to be hassled the entire night. I'd attempt to explain this to my mommy but I don't think I can adequately translate "gang rape" into Spanish. Sadly, I'm just not that fluent.

I also "borrowed" a pair of my mom's heels. This was actually a pair I didn't even know she had but the moment I saw them I knew I had to wear them, it didn't matter if I was going to have to chop off my baby toe to get in those shoes but it was going to happen. They're that cute. White suede stiletto pumps require that level of sacrifice. They fit pretty well though, because the universe loved me tonight. I just had to take little steps because they're little shoes. I was also terrified someone was going to ruin them by spilling a drink or something on them and even though some little Asian dude booted right next to me not a drop of it ended up on my shoes. I think some of it ended up on the back of one of my legs but I didn't care as long as none of it got on the shoes. It was really only a spritz of candy colored boot, and I can deal with that.

Best part of the night though hands down, was the impossibly inappropriate conversation that we had at the diner where we were beginning the sobering up process. A diner located in the gay epicenter of Houston. A conversation that pretty much just revolved a rotation of the words "dyke, gay, donkey, anal, nuts, ass, and punch". Even in my fuzzy alcohol induced giggly haze I felt impossibly bad for the two gay gentlemen sitting at the table next to us.

It was really just the kind of night where you try to explain why you had such a good time, but there really is no explanation. We went to the same places we always go to, talked to the same people, had the same drinks and yet some how the evening was incredibly good. And chill. Ok so we offended a waitress, some gay men, someone was drunk dialed, I got boot on my leg, and we watched a million Asian kids acting like this was the very first time they'd had a drink. It was still a good night. A really good night. And exactly what I needed to forget the ickiness that was last week.

okay now some links:

* When I like something I listen to it a billion times until I squeeze every bit of goodness out of the song and it becomes something I hate. This song and video are well on its way to being hated. Oh and can you believe she had a baby? Maybe there's hope for britney spears after all. I doubt it though.

* This video is at once disturbing and hilarious. Its good to the last drop, so make sure to watch to the very end.

* I love meat, but for some reason jerky has never done it for me. Probably because I prefer for my meat to be juicy with just a bit of blood peaking out. Apparently though jerky is America's hidden obsession.

* If you're like me and are more than just a bit excited about the world cup here's the schedule for all the games in handy chart form. I was watching the match between the US and Venezuela and I almost wet myself I was so excited when Brian Ching from the Dynamo scored the very first goal for the American team. I'm just excited that the US seems to finally be getting it together (especially after the ass whooping they received from Morocco). I doubt they'll go all the way, especially after watching France destroy Mexico yesterday. But yea, its looking like its going to be an awesome cup.

* I'm more than a little excited about "Nacho Libre" partially because I have a wee bit of an unexplainable crush on Jack Black. Let's never discuss it again ok? But I was a little worried that the movie might be offensive since Jack Black is playing a Mexican priest and the man is about as white as they come. It seems though that the movie is going to be funny without being mean which I always like.

* Ok, so maybe myspace isnt all bad. maybe.

* And finally one serious link. Cervical cancer is no joke. Not even a little bit of a joke, and now a vaccine has been developed to prevent this horrible awful cancer that is caused by HPV a sexually transmitted infection. Good news right? Except that the Christian right is already taking issue with the fact that the best and wisest course of action would be to vaccinate young girls/women saying that doing so would encourage young people to have sex. Which is like saying that getting a flu shot encourages people to make out with sick people. Or getting a tetanus shot makes me want to lick some rusty nails. This article which deals with this hypocrisy and tries to get to the bottom of it is super good, super short, and you should read it. /rant

achiote

2006-05-25T14:01:00.000-05:00

Remember last week when I was simply happy to be alive giddy? Yea this is not that week. This is the week that is starting to snowball into something not at all pleasant. All of it really the result of my decision to interact with more human beings. People who I had carefully chosen to associate with because they seemed cool and anti-drama. Its not fun to misjudge people. And the thing is I want to just blog about it, because this exactly the kind of stuff that only happens to me and that makes me hate people. All people. But I used to like these people (well one of these people) so I wont talk about it here. But if I know you well enough ask me and I'll tell you a great story about a boy and a girl who knew other for years and were pretty good friends until one day when that boy decided to kill that girls puppy by ripping its little heart out and eating it. A heart warming story really.

Blah.

I found out where all the rich pretty black people hang out in Houston. That was pretty cool. Cooler still is that they make really yummy grilled cheese sandwiches there.

And thats all I got. Links:

* Interns? Bloggers need not apply.

* Nylon is one of my favorite magazines to buy and then ripe up and make into something else. Their full June/July issue is online, which makes them cooler still.

* The birthday calendar is a niffy little thing.

* So cute!

* Almost killing your neighbor is yet another reason you should never play with guns.

* oh and this is just cool.

* everyone loves al gore now.

My daddy, the feminist

2006-05-23T12:27:00.000-05:00

Last night I added yet another reason to my gigantic list of why I love my daddy so much. We were test driving a car (my moms car committed suicide and we had to replace it asap) and impossibly horribly painfully bored. None of us know anything about cars, so its a pretty silly exercise to take a drive around in one to see how it drives. We were looking out the window and there was a mechanic school or something out the window and my daddy pointed at it and smiled at me. And I was like what? And he told me that when I was little he used to tell people that I was going to grow up to be a race car driver. Then he corrected himself and said "no a race car engineer, there the ones that actually win the races." Which made me smile to think of my daddy telling people that his tiny little curly haired girl was going to grow up to be a race car engineer. It actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. And who knows if the whole writing thing or helping people thing doesn't work out it may just be worth checking it out.

* Speaking of feminism, the word "feminism" and being a "feminist" have a lot of very negative associations with it. When I meet people and I tell them that I'm very liberal and went to a women's college there's always that moment and look of fright when they ask me if I'm a "feminist." Always in a hushed tone like if they're asking me if I like to fuck dead people or kick puppies. Mostly when I'm meeting strangers I'm drinking, since I hate strangers and I'm just not in the mood to put them in their place. So I normally offer a lame retort to assure them that this doesn't mean that I'm some kind of man-hater, but that's just acting like there is some truth to this stereotype. When there really isn't. And besides which I do hate men sometimes, but its never all men its always just one particular asshole who is pissing me off at the moment. I hate women too. More of the time actually, since I'm much more offended by female stupidity than male stupidity. The point is sometimes feminist hate people, but that isn't because they are feminist (well except for Mr. 29% I'm pretty sure my feminism is a huge reason why I hate him) its because they're human. And human beings hate people sometimes. Anyways this article from Salon discusses why young women in particular dislike the term and if the word doesn't need to be replaced. I don't think it does, but then again I have no problem scaring off men in bars. Here's a little excerpt:

Gandy said that membership in her organization [National Organization for Women] is bigger than ever. "Eighty percent of people in the United States, based on what they think now about pay equity and domestic violence, would have been considered total feminists had they felt that way 30 years ago. And the women's rights movement is living in our daughters every single day. Whether or not they consider themselves feminists."

* You have got to be kidding me! Botox being use to treat depression?

* You must must must watch this commercial. Via my bro who reads the entire internet while your busy sleeping. Silly mortals.

* Do you ever feel like your cigarette smoke is bothering your pigs? If so this is for you. via apartmenttherapy

when mohos attack

2006-05-22T14:00:00.000-05:00

I'm so impossibly excited for my birthday you have no idea. I had a really good birthday last year. So there's built in excitement of it being my birthday and celebrating making it another year. But to make this birthday even more exciting my friends are coming to visit me! So its going to be a mini moho reunion! I've been trying to get my friends to come to Texas, because I think Texas is a magical place that needs to be shared with people and since my birthday is on a Saturday its perfect for people to fly in and hang out and then go back to their responsible young adult lifestyle. Plus I am in some desperate need for some estrogen in my life. Not that men aren't lovely creatures in all, but some times you just want to have a pillow fight in your pjs, you know what I mean?

Soooo looking forward to July you have no idea. I've already started thinking of all the places I have to take them and how impossibly sloashed we're going to get! yay!

Ok here are the links to keep your case of the Mondays down to a minimum:

* Having run out of more serious things to report on the NY Times brings in this breaking style news of black toilet paper.

* Wow. If I had a dog I don't think I'd ever leave him with this woman. But I don't know maybe she's a lovely human being? She must be.

* Is Tyra Banks racist? Slate tries to figure it out.

* A long but interesting interview with Clotaire Rapaille about his new book "The Culture Code" which compares the core codes or stereotypes of different cultures. He says some pretty interesting stuff in the article. Here's a little bit:

What do you think about the rise of Christian fundamentalism?

Religion in America is Disney World. We're not really serious about it the way the Muslims are. We just want some rituals, we have so many different brands of religion. We like the stories about it and talking about what they say and don't say. It's little stories for children. When in Kansas they try to stop the teaching of evolution, it's like at Disney World. If you are in the Mickey Mouse costume, the rule is that you never take off your mask. You're not supposed to show in public that there is a real guy under the mask. That's religion in America; let the people keep their illusions. Don't show the reality.

Now, because we are adolescent, we like to take things to extremes: extreme sports, extreme everything. Moderation is boring -- eating in moderation? No way. So we apply that to religion, too, religious extremism.

* If you feel like using your brain there's always this, an interesting and thought provoking article about immigration from the San Francisco Chronicle.

* A collection of drawings done by an artist while he was on lcd.

* This video is so zen. I'm afraid though if I tell you what it is though you wont watch it, but you have to watch it, because you'll watch it and be sucked into it. Its almost hypnotic. So yea go watch it. Its short. Its zen. Its funny.

* Well this video is frightening. Its a sex ed video from planned parenthood. Its a cartoon. There are talking genitalia acting as hosts for a talk show. Its so frightening, so funny, and yet I learned something. So you should watch it, just not around people you don't want them to think your weird for watching a cartoon with a talking penis in a suit. via feministing.

fools like me

2006-05-21T10:46:00.000-05:00

The last two days have been a long series of a phenomenon known as the flutterjinx. The flutterjinx is a concept much too complicated to explain so suffice it to say you do not want the flutterjinx anywhere near you. The flutterjinx however surrounds me and now leaves me here writing this at 11am on a Sunday morning still a bit tipsy from last night. Because the last two days went so horribly wrong that I decided the only way to balance out the good to bad ratio would be to take 4 shots [3 big reds and something ingeniously called an abortion] + an amaretto sour + the strongest drink known to man in a 2 1/2 hr period. On an empty stomach.

Why were the last 2 days so bad? please let me tell you in list form:

1. Friday afternoonish my mom's car overheated and stalled while I was about a block from her job. I had just gotten off the freeway so it could have died while I was actually on the freeway and then I would have died and been a byline in the chronicle, "22 year old woman crushed to death by 18 wheeler on 610 N". Thankfully, I'm cute and was a genius and wore a little skirt so some impossibly nice man who looked exactly like cee-lo pushed my car into a gas station, did stuff to my car, explained everything he did to my car while calling me mami, and kept the creepy old mexican men away from me until my mom showed up. I'd like to take a moment to thank the patriarchy for having this man feel the need to rescue me. Thanks P! You almost made up for trying to take away my rights. Almost.

2. We rode with the tow truck driver (also an impossibly nice man) to the dealership were my mom proceeded to rip the owner of the dealership a new one. This took 2 hours. I was starving. I was bored. It was hot. We finally get in the loaner car, and it wont start. I then proceed to start laughing hysterically because obviously the universe hates me. It then started and all order returned to the world, but by then it was so late and I was so hungry that I had lost all interest in leaving my house and interacting with other human beings.

3. The next day we go to the Dynamo game. Its at 3pm. There is no shade. Houston at 3pm on a clear sunny day makes the surface of the sun seem cool and breezy. So it was a billion degrees. And the big guys sitting in front of me blocked my view. And the game was awful. I sat through a 90 minute game in a billion degree weather sitting on aluminum seats, and we lost the game. I wanted to cry it was so horrible. And now I'm sunburned and have a weird tan. Because I am an idiot who didn't wear sunscreen.

4. I sat through an improv show at a comedy club. Why did I go to a comedy club? Because I am an idiot and as such was punished severely for even thinking for a brief passing moment that a comedy club could be anything other than hell. Not only did I go to a comedy club but I rushed home from the game showered, straightened my hair, got pretty, and skipped dinner so that I wouldn't be late. To a comedy show. Yea. I'm an idiot.

5. I then went to a bbq in the middle of who knows where downtown with a bunch of people I didn't know because by that point my day was not shitty enough and I just wanted to push it over the edge. I could have just pulled a Punxsutawney Phil, seen my shadow and gone back into my hole, but nooooo I hate having a good time. I hate having a good time so much that I will go out of my way to ensure that I walk right into my #1 least favorite scenario ever: walking into a party already in progress where everyone knows one another but you. For added kicks though I decided to go with a guy who likes to pretend he doesn't know me every other week and drank a coke because the only options were beer and some unidentifiable punch. So I sat there in full sobriety and embraced the complete awkwardness of being the new girl who is completely overdressed because she thought she was going to a club tonight, not a bbq with a bunch of hipsters and who knows absolutely no one and hates strangers.

I stayed for about 30 minutes and then bolted. I literally ran out the door and to my car. I nearly impaled someone with the heel of my super strappy shoes, my excitement was so great for getting the hell out of there.

And then I drank. A lot. Because I can only take so many bad stupid things happening before I start feeling like the universe hates me and I need to go hide under the covers until the bad juju passes. I didn't hide though. I drank. And bitched and whined and moaned until the delicious shots killed my brain and then I exploded into a fit of giggles. And had an entire conversation about anal sex and anal beads and why I wish I was into women but sadly am not. And then I got home at 5 something in the morning. Which of course made my mommy love me even more.

::fresca::

2006-05-18T15:10:00.000-05:00

The problem with having gone to moho (besides the gigantic soul crushing loans that I have to pay off) is that all alums are impossibly brilliant, so that when I read the class notes I end up feeling like a loser because I don't have a Fulbright and didn't spend my vacation traveling through Europe before starting my graduate studies at Oxford. Of course I know there are people besides me who are working in coffee shops or dropping out of law school or getting knocked up, but they don't write in so instead I have to read about someone's' awesome PhD program.

Yara and I always wanted to write in impossibly funny notes about how we were having a double wedding while 8 months pregnant, but I don't think either of us could actually go through with it. Everyone reads the class notes, or at least skims them, and there's no way I'd like anyone to actually believe that I was involved in a shotgun wedding while 8mths pregnant unless it was followed up by the announcement that my first book had just been published.

I think class notes in general give the wrong impression about what's going on with alums because unless its a death announcement all that people are sharing is the good news. And after you graduate not everything is good. People end up in crummy jobs or with shitty roommates or move someplace and know absolutely no one or hate their jobs or their dogs or their girlfriends. Like there should be a balance between the impossibly good news and all the other stuff. Like this couple who you saw everywhere on campus for 4 yrs broke up but its okay because they're sharing custody of the kitten. Then reading the class notes would be more inclusive and more people would want to write in and a real experience would be documented not just the impossible good news that eventually fade into reality.

And that's all I have to say about that, here are some lovely links:

* Impossibly beautiful dolls. via boingboing

* Reason #317 why I'm not on myspace.

* If books make you hot, then this list is for you.

* Why it takes Wes Anderson so long to make a movie.

* Do ninjas love? This video has the answer.

* Go here and vote for Gabrielle M. who wants her softball field to not be littered with rocks. A simple request really. via broadsheet (of course)

stupid boys

2006-05-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

So far this week is going really well. Its beautiful here in Texas today. The sky is so blue and the clouds are fluffy and white. The sun is shining. And I woke up in an impossibly good mood. So good in fact that as I was driving around today the traffic didn't bother me and I wasn't cutting anyone off on the freeway. I didn't even flick off that Hummer I saw with the W in 04' sticker (seriously though? guy driving the hummer we already know your an asshole you drive a hummer its obvious but a Bush sticker on top of that? are you trying to make sure you get a nice seat in hell?)

Its a good day. And for no reason really. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened today. And yet I feel impossibly good. Like just happy to be alive good. And that's normally much too sappy for me. But then it dawned on me. I'm back to normal. I'm better than normal, I'm me again. Somewhere in those 8 months in Erie I stopped believing that good days were even possible. Everyday was exactly like the day before. The best part of my day was roasting a garlic and herb chicken. But that tiny high would just fade when I sat down to eat it alone. Because the best part of cooking is seeing the pleasure on someone else's face from eating your food. Its the sharing, that's the best part.

And now I'm home. I'm really home. A month ago I was in Erie. A year ago I was graduating and taking tequila shots. A year has come and gone and now I'm just glad to be back and wondering what's wrong with me for ever wanting to leave Texas. 80 degree days are what make me happy. Good Mexican food. Being able to have lunch with my Daddy on a Tuesday just because I can.

Not everything is perfect. I haven't completely gone off my meds don't worry. I'm just happy. The end.

I have a ton of links to share with you so lets get to it:

* Apparently animals have problems too via my bro

* Its about time that science and alcohol were brought together to made the world a better place.

* How to eat more meals at home (even if you don't know how to cook)

* This is one of those things that's so not safe to open at work or around small children or the elderly, well maybe the elderly wouldnt really be able to decipher whets going on so that might be ok. Before you think I troll around the internet looking for this stuff just know that I found it here.

* Umm yea how to describe this...umm its the most beautifully designed dildo you'll ever see in your life. Until like a week from now when they come out with a prettier Scandinavian model. via apartmenttherapy the only site where you can find a beautiful eames chair next to a dildo.

* New evidence White House influenced FDA on Plan B. I wish I wasn't so jaded with this administration that things like this stopped shocking me, its like of course they interfered with the FDA because their political loons. Duh that's what they do on Mondays.

* This interview with Jessica Valenti of feministing fame makes me wish I was into women. Alas it was not meant to be. Here's my favorite quote from the interview:

Speaking of Bush, you once wrote a post called "why I don't fuck republicans." Does one have to be a Democrat to be a feminist? How else has your feminist politics affected your personal and dating life?

I have a shirt that has that slogan, too. Though I would probably have to put another message on the back of it that says: “ . . . anymore.” I’ve been Republican free for years though, so I figure I’m good. Kind of like a second-virginity thing. I guess anyone can call themselves a feminist. But I’m pretty far left and I find most Republicans scummy. Sorry, I just do. And I think that if you believe in certain things—like being pro-choice for example—you just can’t date someone who believes in an ideology that creates legislation that effectively says your body belongs to the state. So yeah, my feminism has definitely affected my personal life! It’s not something I can separate myself from at the end of the work day—it’s always with me.

My sister and I used to joke that the best way to get a guy to stop bothering you at a bar was tell him you were doing your Masters thesis on post-colonial feminist theory. It totally works. Whenever I used to meet a guy and tell him that I was basically a professional feminist, the initial reaction was usually uncomfortable laughter. Or “you don’t look like a feminist!” Some guys find the idea of dating a feminist kind of a novelty thing, though. Then after a couple of months they’re like, “Seriously—where’s my dinner?”

el tiempo y su velocidad

2006-05-14T20:20:00.000-05:00

My weekend was awesome. From start to finish awesome. I haven't had a weekend that good in a really long time. Too long in fact. It started Friday with the arrival of my blowdryer along with the added surprise of a rainbow pinata. And it just kept getting better from there. The weekend was in fact so good that now looking back on it I don't completely believe it was real.

Lets see highlights included going to the oldest bar in downtown Houston, inside of a tiny little building, so impossibly narrow that there was only enough room between the bar and the tables for one person to go in one at a time. The place was decorated with random oil paintings the only light was from candles that were placed inside beer mugs. It was quiet enough that you could actually hold a conversation, but still had really good music playing in the background. It was the complete opposite to the ultra trendy clubs we go to normally.

There was also a sing along in the car to Julieta Venegas, which is now forever embedded in my brain. And an impossibly good milkshake, which I think was made better by the fact that I was eating it at 2am. And a really nice dinner with my dad at a seafood place.

So yea. I hope this means this week will also be really good. That's the hope at least. And now links:

* I'm fascinated by Lindsay Lohan and strippers. I dont think thats a coincidence.

* This pepsi commercial is super cute, mostly because it involves soccer players.

* Is the hassle of getting your room ready for so many parties wearing you down? MIT students have solved this problem for you. Oh and you must watch the video. You must. Your life will not be complete unless you do.

* I once accidently went on a date with this guy who took me to test motorcycles. It was so absurd and so obviously meant to impress me that I actually humored him and pretended to be enjoying myself. I wasnt though, because I'm not impressed by stupidity but scientist are now saying that stupidity is why women live longer than men.

* So cute!

* Is this really neccessary?

* How to learn difficult subjects quickly.

and thats all I've got.

Frostys make everything better

2006-05-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

Its a beautiful spring day in Houston, 80 degree high, sunny, clear blue sky, a nice light breeze and on my way home today I saw a man get jumped by two men. I was driving down Westpark, drinking a Frosty, waiting at the light and something on the other side of the street under the overpass catch my eye. I wasn't completely sure what was going on, until I realized that I was looking at a man being held down on the ground, as one man held him down while the other one punched him. Of course, I'm still in shock and start to look at the other cars to see if anyone else notices what's going on or if this is just some strange hallucination. The light changes and cars keep going pass them and no one is doing anything so it could just be that I'm the only one who notices.

Like the complete genius that I am I got out of my lane and into the left turn lane and just sat there at the red light thinking that someone needs to bear witness, and I guess its going to be me. As I'm waiting at the light one of the men grabs a large stick and starts to come towards the man on the ground and I start to wonder if I'm going to watch a man get killed. At this point my brain is working both very quickly and very slowly. I can't do anything, since I'm stuck at the light, but at the same time my mind is racing trying to determine if the appropriate response is to call the police or roll down my window and yell at them to stop. I start looking around to see if there are any cops. Of course there are never any cops when you need them. So I sit there. And stare as the man gets punched and dragged around some more. And suck on my Frosty because its delicious and what else am I supposed to do I'm stuck at the light watching a man get pummeled.

Right before the light turns green though I realize that if I try to stop this beating all by myself, I'll probably get hurt. Which wouldn't help anyone but might attract more attention and get the cops here faster. So now I have no plan, I don't think their actually killing the man so I cant justify calling 911, and I cant get out of my car because that's just as invitation to get stabbed by a random group of men under an overpass. So I just keep drinking my Frosty.

As I make the turn I slow down to get a better look the 2 men get off the man and walk away, kinda like nothing happened, until the other man starts to throw karate kicks at the main man who was beating him. So I keep driving and make a u-turn making sure to come back the same way so I can watch them some more. The situation seems to have resolved itself, some what. The man appears to be fine, he's not bleeding or limping, he's walking around throwing karate kicks, and while one of the men is still holding a big stick he's no longer threatening the karate kicking man with it. So I continue on my way home, like nothing ever happened but still wondering what the hell it was that I just witnessed.

I'm still not completely what the appropriate response would have been. I'm a little disturbed that I watched a man get punched around and my response was to sit there on suck on a Frosty, but then again at least I didn't just keep on driving like I didn't see anything at all.

Yea that was weird. Here are the links that I deemed amusing enough to share with you:

* The best article I'd read about Kaavya Viswanathan. You should read it. Even if your tired of talking about her, because it puts her inside the larger context of super achieving kids and whatnot.

* Apparently kids lying about being virgins is news. Who knew?

* An ode to birth control. There's also this news about the 30% of German women who are childless by choice, another ode to birth control in a way. Personally I think its awesome, minus the fact that when you sample college educated German women 40% chose not to have children. Which leaves conservative religious folks not using birth control and knocking people up all over the place and leads to George W. being elected and me having to move to Cuba where there universal health care but no toilet paper.

* "The Bith Soccer Month Abnormality." Soccer stars' birthdays are typically at the beginning of the year (January through March). The reason? Practice more than innate talent makes people better at stuff, and kids born in the beginning of the year are normally picked more often for teams because they're bigger than their punnier peers who were born in the later months. This is good news for all of us because it means we can learn to be good at things even if we dont seem to have a knack for it.

* There's a war on porn. First those silly Jews and now this? Where's Bill O'Reilly when you actually need him? (Best part of the story though is the guy was dressed up as a ninja when he burned down the porn store. Who knew ninjas were working for the lord?)

* This is one of those articles you read, and afterwards you feel sad, but better for having read it. Its about women in the 50's and 60's who were unwed and pregnant and forced to give up their kids. Sad stuff, but worth reading since this country seems to want to regress back to the good ol' days where people lied about having sex and hid pregnant unwed mothers away and forced them to give up their kids.

* Why your college major wont determine you getting a super sweet job. via lifehacker

* Yesterday I mentioned this article that essentially blamed erectile disfunction in young men on horny young women, but didnt provide a direct link cause I was feeling lazy. Here it is though. You should read it and then read this wonderful counterpoint to it from Salon. Something else that bothers me about the article was this passage:

Keith Brodie, former chairman of the psychiatry department at Duke University, has been counseling male college students for 25 years. Fifteen years ago, none of his patients complained about having problems in bed. Now, he hears about them from as many as a quarter of them.

Couldn't it just be that 15 yrs ago society was a wee bit different and men didnt want to talk to anyone about having problems in bed? Or that expectations for awesome sexual performance were not as pronounced? That might have something to do with it. Maybe. Or maybe this woman is right and willing, vocal, young women are the biggest turnoff of all.

Like cutting through butter

2006-05-10T14:55:00.000-05:00

So Britney Spears is pregnant. Personally I think its great. There are far too many over-achievers out there, having stable awesome careers and marriages. Britney however is not afraid of fucking up her life. Instead she has decided that she will make as many mistakes as she wants to, thank you very much. And for that I have to say thank you Britney Spears for screwing your multi-million dollar career, it is when I look at you that I realize that I'm actually doing quite well. Sometimes I need to be reminded of this, and Britney Spears has chosen to be the one who reminds all of us really of how much better we are than her, that even for her million dollar homes and super catchy songs she too can walk around barefoot and get knocked up by a complete waste of a man. Good for her. She knows what she is and is going for it. That's quite commendable really.

Ok I have a ton of links today so here you go:

* Why is it so satisfying to kill video game bosses? via boingboing

* Ever ate a piece of meat and wondered where it came from? I haven't, but you might have and for you there is this.

* I didn't have to do a swim test to graduate, but I know other people who had to. I don't think its a bad idea to make sure everyone knows how to swim, but the few schools that still require it seem to think swimming is no longer the necessity it once was and are removing the requirement.

* My love for lifehacker is well documented. Now there's a blog with lifehacker like tips for college, which is useful and all except for the fact that I'm not in college anymore, but you might be so check it out.

* I personally think George W. Bush is the worst president in US History. Apparently historians agree with me. I love when that happens. Its not all bad news though, his suckage at running the country is apparently pushing more people towards activism.

* So more young men are suffering from erectile disfunction and its being blamed on by young women being more opinionated and initiating sex more often. Yea. I can't say it any better than Amal Amireh, so here you go:

If a man needs a helpless damsel, an unwilling partner (otherwise known as rape victim) or a virgin to get it up, then it is better for humanity that he doesn't.

amen. read about it here.

* Another study are proving that girls are better than boys.

* Umm this is old news, but its new to me. Or maybe I wrote about it last year? Who has time to go through the archives? Not me. Besides which anal sex, totally one of those things you can never tire of talking about.

Atrevete, te, te, te*

2006-05-08T14:16:00.000-05:00

So last Friday I went out to a club and the evening was odd. Partially odd because someone was drugged (minus the all too important consent). Odder still because I was bored out of my mind. Here was someone completely fucked up, acting like a total idiot, humping a staircase at one point, and I didnt even notice something abnormal was happening. I was too busy trying to calculate how many amaretto sours I could drink while still being sober enough to drive home and go to sleep. I've noticed that it really depends on the bartender and how strong he makes my drinks. This particular bartender maybe wanted to get me drunk. Possibly. He failed though, and I managed to get home just fine. Unlike you know other people who spent the night in jail.

But yea. I was bored. I was also pissed and drinking more than I should, but it didn't really negate the fact that I was bored. Yes, there were slutty girls wearing gold bikini tops and gyrating strangely which normally would have amused me as I tried to decipher if she was a law student or a stripper or some combination of the two. Yes, there was a guy who I'd talked to the weekend prior for the entire night who suddenly was acting like he'd never met me just because his exgirlfriend was around. Yea, I danced to some cumbia and got super dizzy from all the spinning.

I was still bored. Which is a bad sign since I have to keep myself entertained until I get a job. If not I'll go crazy. Or something like crazy. I'm hoping it was simply a matter of me not really being in the mood to go out and not that after a few weeks I'm already bored of clubs and drinking. Well I'm bored of clubs I could never be bored of drinking. That's like being bored of air. You cant be bored of air just because it doesn't smell right one day, its a vital part of life. Or you know something.

and that's that. The title comes from Calle 13's Atrevete, which has wormed its way into my brain and wont let go. Possibly because its about this intellectual girl who loves pop-rock latino but cant help but like reggaton and is really a callejera, a street fighter. Its totally about me.

And now the links:

* Are your digital pictures of your drunken friends and your stupid exploits looking dull and tired? Well now there's help via lifehacker.

* Edmunds tested all those gas saving tips to figure out which ones work and which ones dont. via lifehacker.

* Secrets are big currently. I don't think I'd tell my secrets to a bunch of strangers, but then again they don't know me so why does it matter? Its a toss up.

* Jeremy Priven is a new film about the quest for a super sweet bar mitzvah. I totally want a bar mitzvah. Maybe when I turn 25 and I actually feel like a grown up. But then maybe I'll be too cool for a bar mitzvah. But then can you ever be too cool for a super sweet bar mitzvah? I think not.

* Being single is the new normal. I guess my singledom made it cool again.

ps: Happy Birthday Mr. Patterson! just for you here's a picture of a beautiful black renaissance man.

a music letter

2006-05-06T12:36:00.000-05:00

Why are spring and summer the seasons for breakups? Every where I go everyone I meet is just reeling from a fresh breakup. A lot of this could do with the places where I'm hanging out. Bars and clubs don't really bring in a lot of happy couples. They bring in single people who want to drink and kill whatever it is that's making them unhappy. Well maybe that's harsh, some might actually just like clubs and the random possibilities of interacting with strangers. I've never been one for strangers though. I like the friends I have. I've had them for years. There's history there. A pattern of known behavior. I can better predict what I can and cannot expect from them. These are things I need in other to feel like I'm up for whatever or whomever or whathaveyou. Strangers bring in an entire sense of the unknown that makes me uncomfortable. What's their motivation? Why are they talking to me? Or not talking to me?

I over think these things entirely too much. That's for sure. Not all strangers are bad. I've had more than my fair share of fabulous life changing conversations with people whose names I don't even know. I just always prefer knowing to the unknown.

There are times however when I wish I knew less. That I wasn't having the same conversation over and over again. That there wasn't a predicted pattern of behavior that I know ends up with my being disappointed, and hurt, and angry and drinking on a Wednesday night and a Friday night and a Saturday night. Not like my liver cant handle it, because it can I have an insane tolerance for such a tiny frame. The drinking just dulls the ache for a few hours until I wake up and I'm sober and wish that there was something more substantial.

There isn't though. But for now, it'll have to do.

Its cinco de mayo!

2006-05-05T15:53:00.000-05:00

To go out or not go out that is the question. Part of me feels like I should stay home and sleep since I've been uber tired this entire week. The other part of me feels like its cinco de mayo! Only happens once a year, you need to go out. Even if you know your not mexican, and you really have no ill feelings towards the french and really just kinda want a margarita.

Its an epic battle.

I like how this is the stuff that passes for epic battles these days. And thats all I got. I'll let you know if I did end up going out and leave you with some links to keep you company:

* The cuteness is overwhelming in this video of a tiny little kitten with a heavy head. It makes me want to get a kitten and just eat it up.

* This video clip is reason #112 why Madeleine Albright is my favorite former Secretary of State. Cause I'm a dork and I have favorites about things like that.

* Sex advice from triatheletes. Its more educational than funny this week.

* Other people out there in the world are also pleased with Kaavya Viswanathan's big fat failure. For reasons beyond you know just being mean. Like you know what I was doing.

* An article about how hard it is to be a secret blogger with all the fame and what not.

* A condom pot. Shaped like a condom. So very zen. via apartmenttherapy

* Speaking of sperm, it seems that men are becoming less fertile leading to less women getting knocked up. Which is good news when those women are teenagers. And umm bad news for humanity.

Mullets, faux mohawks, and fros oh my!

2006-05-04T11:09:00.000-05:00

I was in an alternate hipster universe last night. Imagine that urban outfitters and misshapes spawned some children and let them lose on a Wednesday night to dance to surprisingly good music and drink and you'd have an idea of what we're talking about here. It was so impossibly wonderfully bizarre that I loved it. When I walked in I was like where did all these people come from? and where have they been hiding? There was a beautiful black man with a poodle like fro who danced sporadically like he was only capable of moving his legs and shaking his hair. A tragically blond white woman who could not dance to save her life, she failed her limbs about in her denim mini like this was the best most intense seizure known to man. My absolute favorite though was the beautiful tall thin gay white man who was wearing a red tank, stripped blue shirt, topped with a tiny little vest. He was adorable and I watched him the entire night, as he danced and danced to who knows what they were playing.

The club was also impossibly cool. So cool in fact that we wandered around for blocks trying to find it. Only to run into a bartender from the bar, who showed us where it was. Since there's no sign out front we had walked right past it and had no clue there was even a bar there. There was only a white door with three doormen standing outside. So obviously if you don't recognize it then you must not be cool enough to get in. Strangely enough though I didn't feel out of place there, not because I think I've magically become a hipster, but because the place was random enough that anyone could really go in and have a good time. The music was really good. It was impossibly good. Even I who would much rather sit and people watch couldn't help to dance just a little bit.

We were supposed to go to a gay club though, which is why I'd agreed to go out on a Wednesday night. I even bought a super cute tiny blue poka doted skirt my excitement for it was so high (my mom called it a culifalda which made me love it even more- my dad's face when my mom made me show it to him was also impossibly classic). It was very in the navy which I felt was fitting. Sadly though the club was booked up for a private party and we had to find another place to go to- so my poka doted skirt had to wait for another night to go out. All was fine though, I exchanged one tiny skirt for another and all was good in the world.

And now some links:

* Its very hard to tell baby toys from sex toys. Don't believe me? Take this test. via nerve scanner (of course)

* I don't think there is anyone more qualified to give sex advice than Heidi Fleiss. Apparently Maxim read my mind.

* More evidence of the horrible puffing screening machine I was placed in. Gentle puffs of air my ass.

no words

2006-05-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

I have no idea why this hasn't made the national news. I know its on AP and that some national papers like the Washington post have run the story, but for the life of me I cant comprehend why a story of 16 yr old boy being brutally beaten, sodamized by having a pipe kicked into him, carved with a knife, burned with cigarettes, and then doused with bleach simply for trying to kiss a 12 yr old girl and being Mexican (as the two skinheads beat him they shouted racial slurs at him) doesn't make the front page of CNN or the New York Times, but stories about Brooke Shields commenting on Tom Cruise's baby and Paris Hilton breaking up with her boyfriend get top billing! I couldn't even find the story on either CNN or the NYTimes. What scares me is that awful horrible things like this happen all over the US all the time, to the point that its not newsworthy when it occurs. If I didn't live in Houston, and didn't obsessively watch the local news I wouldn't have heard about it.

He lay in the backyard unconscious for hours (at first I heard 12 then 6) without anyone coming to his aid. Why isn't this national news?

You want to know what makes me impossibly sick about this whole thing? This case isn't being charged as a hate crime because prosecutors say it wont affect their sentence. If this isn't a hate crime what is? At the very least this is Texas and both assailants will be charged as adults (they're 18 and 17), which means that since both have criminal records they aren't going to be given probation or community service or whatever bullshit is handed out in other states for minors.

Yea. I don't know what else to say about it.

Now some much lighter links as an attempt to balance the impossible horrible sadness of this post:

* The absolute cutest shirt ever!

* So this is impossibly funny a group of ultra-orthodox hackers are replacing the porn on some Israeli porn sites with a picture of a Rabbi Lubavitch and following message: "the holy kabbalah warns that the sin of spilling sperm in vain is the cause for most diseases and misfortune!" via nerve (of course where else can you find such random hilarity?).

* So when I was flying back to Texas they stuck me into an air machine thing, remember? Well apparently I'm not the only one who's been stuck in this thing because they scream terrorist.

* Yet another funny clip from the Daily Show, this one is a bit about Bush and a warning to nuns.

* Stephen Colbert is on a role this week with his gig of hosting the white house press corp thingie. Here's a clip of excerpts of that and over here is a clip of him interviewing Phil Gingrey, a Republican congressman from Georgia.

* The entire time I was reading "Memento Moris: When gifts come back to haunt you" by David Sedaris in the New Yorker I was thinking that I hope one day to write this well. It was so impossibly funny that I imed it halfway through finishing it to a bunch of people, something I never do because I just had to share it right away. Now go read it and enjoy. via kottle.

* A disturbing video of Mexican police shooting at striking miners. via boingboing.

* A nice round up of a variety of opinion about yesterday's protest/boycott from global voices which posts roundup of blogs from around the globe. A bunch of countries are listed, you should check it out.

* As you know when I first heard about Kaavya Viswanathan I was relieved and a wee bit smug since well I'm a bad person. Now however as new similarities between her book and yet another book are being discovered this whole situation has just become sad. Partially because if its true that there was even more plagiarism (I heard an estimate of 49 similar passages) occurred, then that in itself is just sad that she doubted her own ability as a writer to the point where she felt the need to steal from other writers. Part of me though (the tiny little part of me that is you know not evil) wants to defend this girl, because maybe she really didn't maliciously use other writer's work and pass it off as her own, maybe there are just no original ideas left. How many books have been published? How many have similar themes, ideas, situations, characters? Its overwhelming to think about as someone who sits around and writes stories. So overwhelming in fact that at times it makes me want to not write anything ever. And yet some how I still do.

An open letter to crazy b*tches who think I'm out to steal their man when in reality I have no interest in their man and only want delicious pancakes

2006-04-30T11:39:00.000-05:00

About 70% of my friends are male. Before I went to college though it was closer to 98%, so I consider 70% to be a vast improvement. Not that I don't love having male friends, in fact I prefer it since there's a lot less drama, and at any moment they can stand in as my faux-boyfriend, kinda like having a gay boyfriend, minus the gay. The only real problem with this is that they date women. Women who hate me. Universally. None of their girlfriends have ever liked me. Some stand me which is a lot like hate, but without any of the effort involved in hating someone. This has been going on for enough time though that I'm pretty immune to the whole thing. I just assume that they don't like me and then move on with my life, because sadly I always outlast them so really at this stage of my life they're only temporary disturbances. Last night though I was reminded of how much of a disturbance it really is though to be universally hated. Even if it is temporary.

After a night of strawberry shots and fuzzy baby navels, we were all in the garage trying to determine which of us was fit to drive and who needed something to sober up and who should probably never be allowed to take shots again. All was good in the world. Until someone's ex-pulled up in her car. Maybe under the pretense of trying to figure out if we were going to go eat, but really to keep an eye on me and make sure I wasn't making out with her man. The entire night she'd been keeping an eye on me, but it was very low key spying as opposed to the full out let me get out of my car and stand right next to you to make sure y'all aren't about to make out while my angry friends stay in my car and stare you down. Now I have no idea what he said to her about me, like if he explained that he'd known me for a while or if he just said something equally genius like I have aids and this is my friend Jessica, but whatever he said it wasn't enough to get her to back down. This very nice woman, who I'm sure is normally a very sane human being was acting irrationally. And for no reason, because I had no interest in making out with her man. I had an interest in getting some pancakes in my belly and making sure he wasn't deported.

She wouldn't leave until she saw them get out of my car, into their own car, and watched me drive away. Alone. Without her man. We even bypassed the whole drunken hug goodbye process just so she wouldn't decide to get out of her car and knife me. Which is vaguely sweet, but mostly just crazy. This is why I've decided to create a form letter which I can just hand out to break it down for them, and let them know that I am not in fact trying to steal their man. I present to you my open letter to crazy ex and current girlfriends:

Dear __________:

Hi. We've never met, but my name is Jessica and I'm a good friend of ___________. We've known each other for _____ years and in that time spent the majority of our time together watching bad movies and skipping class. There may or may not have been a time when we made out, but it was _________________ and you know how it goes, we're much better as friends. Besides, right now I just came out of a long term relationship so I have no interest in your man, or any man for that matter. I'm not even interested in women, not even to experiment, but thanks for asking. So, you see you have absolutely no reason to believe that I would steal him away from you. That's just not my style.

Sincerely,

Jessica

como diablos

2006-04-27T15:49:00.000-05:00

Lemon bars are so delicious. Tarty yet sweet. Pastry yet vaguely healthy since they're (in theory) made from lemons. AND since I'm not a big baker (I'm not into measuring things exactly and such) they're extra special since its not something I could make myself. When I probably could make them myself, but then there'd be stuff to clean and that's just no fun. Which is why lemon bars are something that I buy. Laziness. Its my reason for doing a lot of stuff. Especially at this point in my life. This point being year 2 of my twenties.

The twenties are a weird time. All of a sudden you're out of the prescribed go to school path and dumped into a choose your own adventure story, where any one of a billion possibilities could end up with you getting malaria and being audited by the IRS. I've noticed all of my friends deal with it differently, but that somethings seem like a pretty universal right of passage. And no I'm not talking about graduating and getting a job because umm some of us haven't quite done that yet. I'm talking about other more subtle things like getting a kitten or possibly a puppy. Some people skip the pet though and go for the baby, but I think the kitten/puppy route is the less committal route. Like the pseudo adulthood option. And even then the kitten option is much less of a commitment than the puppy, since the puppy you have to walk and stuff and the kitten, well you just have to feed it and it wont eat you in your sleep. Oh how I want a kitten. Its just the ten year or so commitment that I can't handle.

Which is pretty much my problem with everything lately. I don't want to commit to a job because I don't know how long I'm going to be in Houston. I don't want to commit to a place for the same reason. Every choice I make seems to narrow the path of options, which is good in a sense because I'm one of those people who stares at all 68 conditioner options at Target trying to figure out which one will make my hair the prettiest. Only to end up choosing the one that smells like coconuts. Because my hair makes me happier when it smells good. Or something. But then its bad because a month of so into it, I start to get sick of coconuts and wish that I'd gone with the mango option because then maybe my hair would behave.

Things never work out the way you think that they will. Which is why decision making is so complicated for me. I don't know if I'm going to get the awesome job that I just applied for in Boston (oh how I want this job). I have no control over it though. And even if I get it, it might not be all I want. I know it wont be because I have incompatible desires that always leave me wishing I was closer to someone, or at the beach, or out of the country, or learning to surf. Which is why I've stopped planning my life. I was never one of those people with 5 year plans. My plans have always been fuzzy and ill-conceived. "I'm going to apply to one college and if I don't get in then ummm I guess I'll backpack through Europe" Now though, its just a rough sketch. I'm going to get a job, wherever I get hired that makes me happy. And I'm going to write. And maybe just maybe if my life falls into some sort of order, I'll finally get a kitten.

And now you know some links:

* A very zen video of puppies chasing a kitten. The cuteness is almost overwhelming.

* A cardboard bed. That looks comfy.

* I feel like the proudest mama ever! Brent's in the newspaper! His band is awesome, if you get the chance you should watch them. Or you could go on sketchy myspace and umm listen to stuff, in between picking up 16 yr old girls.

* Vintage french pr photos. via kottle.

* When I first heard of a 19yr old Harvard student having her book published and getting a second book advance (unheard of for a first time writer) I was impossibly sick with jealousy and felt like a big old loser. But now, well lets just say I feel quite at peace with the whole thing. Because on the inside I'm a five. And like to eat erasers.

* A great website that helps men deal with abortion. I came across it here.

* Ok, I've been meaning to post this force a while, but it felt like too much of a downer to bring it up. Anyways Riley's argument is that women should exercise common sense to avoid being raped. On principle I agree with her argument. I never go out to bars/clubs by myself. I avoid dark back alleys. I make sure to look men in the face when I'm walking by myself(this deters would be rapists from thinking your an easy victim). At the same time though, its obnoxious to have to do these things to rarely, if ever, leave your guard down because as a woman, I have to be more vigilant. At the same time though life is unfair. I also rarely if ever have to buy my own drinks because there's always a guy to buy one for me. So there are pros and cons to being female. What bothers me most though is that this argument intrinsically blames the victims for not being "smart enough" to not get raped. Which is just bs. I don't care how slutty my outfit is, how short my skirt is, how blond and coconutty my hair is, rape is never okay. And the fault of that lies in the perpetrator, not the victim. If you want to read better counter arguments you can go here and here.

Lady balls

2006-04-25T14:47:00.000-05:00

Tucker Carlson is an idiot. Obviously. His name is Tucker. He wears a bow tie. He looks like his mommy is the only woman he's ever known. All those things though pale in comparison to the stupidity that comes out of his mouth in this clip. There's so much wrong with it. So much. Since I'm feeling lazy I'll just say this: don't judge people mr. bow tie, its not nice. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you never had to struggle financially to get an education, juggling raising children with going to classes all the while having to work a degrading job just to get by. No one want to grow up to be a stripper. That's not a childhood ambition. But just because its a less than desirable job doesn't mean that it makes someone less than a person for just doing what you have to do to get by. The end. Shortest rant ever. (if your so inclined broadsheet does a better job of ranting about this than I do).

Ok and now a bunch of links that I have carefully culled for you:

* Its seems like you can't be fired for reading my blog at work. congrats.

* Sheep as walking billboards. Adorable and good for the sheep. Its jes approved.

* Netflix envelopes. Through the years.

* Cool pictures of nyc in the past before they cleaned it up.

* How to move to a new apartment. Good logical stuff.

* "Do You Need A $500 Vibrator? Short answer: Of course you do. Longer answer: Wait, a what? Are you serious? Where?"

* The look book. I don't want to ruin it. Just click through look at the picture. You can thank me later.

* Gas prices, they suck. I knew they sucked previously, but now I have to drive to get everywhere again I feel it much more than umm previously. Anyways here are three little charts to point you towards the right direction in terms of who you should be mad at.

* A good post which breaks down why renting out wombs in India is a bad idea and should make those of us in the West just feel bad.

* The future of eroding abortion rights in the US. In handy chart form for those of you who think reading is so last year.

* I want to be Wes Anderson when I grow up. Minus the being male and white part. This commercial with him for american express demonstrates why.

* A list of sciency things people who graduated from high school should know, but that most people (ie me) don't.

* A cute collection of comics. You have to click on the things in the picture to get to the clips. A little work but its worth it if you like funny, sweet, dark things like I do.

* And finally do you remember "My Girl" it wasn't life altering for me, but other people loooove it. Anyways the cute girl in the film can write, and its funny and good and you should read it. The end.

** the links came from my internet wanderings. Places like kottle, feministing, and my random friends.

why soccer is the best sport ever

2006-04-23T17:19:00.000-05:00

I'm not into sports. I have no teams that I follow religiously. When there's a game of any sort on tv I always get bored at some point and switch it to the food network to listen to Paula Deen deep fry something or another in a vat of butter. However when my daddy invited me to a soccer game I knew I had to go because one its my daddy and two its soccer. Soccer is the best sport ever, for about a million reasons. First I actually played the sport when I was teeny tiny and was pretty good at it (mostly because I was a bit ol'cheater, I'd trip people, elbow them, kick them and get away with it because I was the only girl on the team). Most importantly though soccer is a fast game, so I can't possibly get bored. Oh and when people score it actually means something. Its not like basketball or baseball where there are a ton of points. One goal and the entire game could be lost, and you never know when a goal is going to happen or not. There's a lot of delayed satisfaction going on, so that when a goal is scored its orgasmic.

So yea on its own, soccer is a highly entertaining sport. In a stadium filled with 16 thousand people its a billion times more entertaining. What's interesting about watching the game in Houston is that there are two very different demographics at the game. Upper middle class white folk going to the game with their obnoxious soccer loving children and drunk as hell Latino, British, and Indian men. So there's a little tension in the audience. Which makes for some great people watching. Sitting a couple of rows in front of me were three impossibly sauced gentlemen who were waving Mexican flags. Now these were two American soccer teams playing against each other, so I'm sure there were many in the audience who were wondering what exactly a Mexican flag had to do with the game. I'm pretty sure its just a cultural thing, just like its a cultural thing to affix those insipid support our troops magnets to your suv, but at least waving your Mexican flag doesn't end up with us invading some country in the middle east. But yea, these lovely men kept waving their flags and then someone (ie the white dad sitting a row behind them whose little girl kept being hit in the face by the flags) complained to the police. And then they kicked them out of the section. And the thing is they had great seats. They were right at the front almost directly in the middle of the field. So when they left they were pissed. And proceeded to curse loudly at the guy who had them kicked out, a beautiful string of words that involved the guys mother and his wife and hell. Since it all took place in Spanish though, the family just sat there bewildered wondering what was going on.

That was the first half. In the second half was when things got really interesting. The little toddler next to me was getting restless and I had to use all of my willpower not utter my own set of expletives at the poor child who kept using her head as a battering ram against my arm. Fortunately for me in the second half in the game two goals were scored and I spent most of my time on my feet yelling for them to score. That's the great thing about being in a large audience. All kinds of social transgressions suddenly become acceptable. Like being drunk at 5pm. Or cursing out complete strangers. Or chanting "culeros" with your closest equally intoxicated friends. This particular chant made me and my mom giggle in the most inappropriate way since the white folks around us had no idea what was going on, but chanted along anyways.

The absolute best part of the game though were the soccer players, who were perfect human specimens. Out of all athletes I would say soccer players have the very best bodies. They aren't freakishly tall and slender like swimmers. Or short and hugely built like wrestler. Soccer players are perfectly proportioned, not too tall, not too short. And they have stamina. Lots and lots of stamina, because this isn't American football where the game is stopped every 5 minutes. They have to sprint around for a full 30 or 40 minutes without stop. So yea stamina. Hot. Oh and their very bend-y, since they kick the ball from all sorts of weird positions. Besides that though you can play soccer well into your late 30s, unlike some other sports where you have to retire when you get to 20, which means that there are quite a few who have beautiful silvery hair, which I love.

So yea. Soccer is the very best sport ever. The end.

That last shot was what did him in

2006-04-22T15:42:00.000-05:00

Last night began innocently enough. I was going downtown to meet friends at a bar, that looked nice and non-sketchy. It somehow ended up 4 hours later with me watching one of my dear friends being handcuffed and strip searched outside of Chachos, my very favorite quasi-mexican 24 hr restaurant. Now this was troubling for several reasons. One the image of my friend spread eagle with his pants around this legs as about five sheriffs hovered around him tarnishes some of my good feelings towards Chachos, which is awful because their tortillas are incredible (so doughy, so sweet, the perfect thickness, always fresh...yum). Two I thought he was going to be deported for being a general drunken fool. And three we went there to get him sobered up so he could drive home, so I felt bad for bringing him to the place where he would ultimately be arrested. Thankfully though they let him go (I'm still not sure why) and I drove him to another friends house so they could get his car and what not. The funniest part was when I called my mom around 4ish to let her know what was going on, and I made the mistake of starting by talking about how my friend had been arrested but then quickly realized that I was giving her a heart attack for no reason when I should have started by saying that I was perfectly fine, safe, sober, and was not being arrested.

Now this whole incident wasn't as shocking as it could have been if lets say I was the one who was being arrested, since this particular nameless friend always acts like an idiot when hes drunk. He's one of those merry drunks who gets really mad really quickly over really trivial things that just kind of balloon out of control. Like that time he almost got us killed when were at the beach when he decided he was going to talk some shit to some cholos just because they flashed their lights at us. Normally someone keeps him in check and the night goes on with minimal damage. This time however things happened so quickly that there was no one who could stop things from going the way they did. I went inside to get some water and wait for them, came back outside to call and find out where they were only to discover him in handcuffs.

But yea, it was a good night. A memorable night. Some impossibly intoxicated guy kept calling me mama. I realized pretty quickly that he called all women mama, which for some reason made it acceptable and not justification to get maced. And what else? Oh the women at the bar were really interesting. It was a very eastern European vibe which I liked, but once again I had one of those moments were I realized how much moho changed me, since when I watched them dancing on the stage with one another it was pretty transparent that they were only doing it to get attention from the men there, and for some reason that seemed so bizarre to me. Not like I've never gotten on a bar and danced, but it was always when I was out with a large pack of my female friends, and only then to make one another laugh and goof around. Not so a guy would want to come up and talk to me. But to each his own I guess.

I ate a mango today and it was delicious

2006-04-21T15:37:00.000-05:00

I have a job interview on Monday. To be an office bitch for old people. Not actually working with old people but working in an office for a non-profit that helps old people do old people things. I have no problem being an office bitch, no matter where I go and what job I end up settling into I'm going to have to do grunt work. I'm fine with that. The lack of excitement over this job interview comes in because I already know I don't want this job. Like all things that are probably no good for me, its just fallen into my lap. I could not go to the interview but that would create a whole set of social problems that I'd like to avoid since its a friend of my mother whose set this whole thing up. So I'm going. And being polite and maybe even likeable, and just seeing what happens.

I wish I was one of those people that didn't really care what type of job they have because a job is just a job. But I'm not. Hence my inability to just major in economics like a big girl and just suck it up and work for some bank and make insane amounts of money. Nooo I have to help people. Blah.

However it seems other people out there don't want to settle for whatever job they can get. I read this post about a widely known blog, whose writer is going to just work on his blog full time since there's nothing that he wants to do more than write and work on his blog. I love that idea, of people who are really doing what they love and even during their free time that's all they think about it and want to do. In it he had this great little quote from Steve Jobs:

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle.

This whole idea of not settling is interesting to me. Like what do you do in between the not settling? I guess keep looking for something and try things out. But the reality is that not everyone gets the luxury to do what they love. And what happens if your love is playing Halo in your pjs? Or I don't know equally random and specific, then it becomes much harder to find something you love. Or maybe then its easier because you know exactly what you're after.

Eh either way I ran out of stem on this one, so I'll end here. Here are the links:

* Interesting brain mush interview with Nick Lachey from Rolling Stone. Its long but amusing enough if you care at all about this types of completly stupid things.

* "Big Love on Staten Island" an article about a commune with open relationships and general hippie love from New York magazine.

* Sex advice from Photographers from Nerve. Its funny, and random, and gives you tips like how to photograph yourself having sex (if your into that kind of thing).

* I'm always nice to waiters, because I know there's no way I could ever do their job . USA Today says that this is a sign of someone having a soul.

* I can't believe that this actually merited a scientific study, but now science reminds us that when men look at pretty women it makes them stupid.

* A clip from the Colbert Report that features creepy faux housewife Caitlin Flanagan. Yea. You just have to watch it, in case you missed it.

* A list of gas prices from around the world. Venezuela ranks in as the lowest at 14 cents a gallon. When I told my mom that she laughed and said that when we lived there it was much lower equaling something close to 5 cents or so a gallon. It reminded me of being in Cuba and eating a sandwich that cost less than 10 cents and having that blow my mind.

* "Larrys awesome guide to having a threesome." Why should you read this? a)its funny, really really funny b) its a how to on having a threesome

* "Why I shut down my blog" an interesting article from my always favorite slate.

* The pill makes men smarter, so it is the greatest invention of all time. I win.

* And finally I found this beautiful apartment on craigslist that makes me want to move to mexico city right now. The walls are pink! and aqua! there's a tub! soo perfect.

Just give me a block and I'll be ok

2006-04-19T12:56:00.000-05:00

Texas is lovely. The traffic however is not. Since I take my mom to work I'm in the car for 2 hours everyday (30 minutes there and back). Which is actually not bad for Houston, which is what's sick about this. And is one of the many reasons I can't live in Houston. Well that and the fact that if I got a job here I would have to move to the other side of town to have some space between me and my lovely folks. Because I'm weird like that.

I'm just not telling them that I wont be living in Houston permanently, because this news would give them much sadness. Specifically my daddy who was pretty much like "oh ok that didn't work but now you can live here, or in San Antonio or Austin or anywhere in Texas really." I didn't have the heart to tell him that I haven't applied to anything in Texas. Its not that I don't ever want to live in Texas, I do. I just don't want to live in Texas now. My reasoning goes that once I move to Texas it'll be permanent, you know with kids and such. Like I'll probably die in Texas. Unless I die on some weird trip through the Amazon or something, in which case I'll die there. Basically I'm not ready for settling in for death so I don't want to live in Texas. Yea, my logic is a thing of beauty.

This whole experience is really funny though. In an amusing painful sort of way. The whole fresh breakup and looking for a job at the same time thing has forced me to really figure what it is that gives me worth. Which is stupid because I have the most over inflated ego as it is, but I've noticed that this breakup has changed the way people relate to me. My parents are treating me with kid gloves, like I'm on suicide watch or something, and it only serves to bum me out not make me feel better about life. Like having my mom call me 3 times a day while she's at work and ask me if I'm ok only serves to reinforce the fact that if I'm not okay that's perfectly acceptable and they'll understand and that they need to know to help me. Meanwhile I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me for not spending my days munching on some hagen daz.

Its no wonder that instead I'm spending my days randomly emailing alums and asking if they like Mexico City. Or trying to figure out how I can get a job in Colombia or Venezuela, just so I don't have to deal with this whole let's pity jes thing. Of course I'm not telling my parents any of these plans because its just bad form to tell your immigrant parents who rearranged their entire lives so you could live in this country that you'd like to leave now. I know they'd be cool with it (well my dad would be my mom would throw a fit) but its just easier to avoid the conversation until things are settled.

And yea that's that. Here are some links I deemed amusing enough to share with you on this fine day:

* This map is pretty cool. It shows where major religion in the US are located. I think I saw it first on boing boing.

* Nothing takes place in a vacuum, everything takes place inside a social context. Flashing your breast in public is apparently no exception.

* Apparently breast are hot right now, with this study saying that women with fake breasts are more prone to suicide.

* This video is so bizarre so weird that you must watch it right now. Its a little long but sooo worth it. Its in Russian and Japanese using both old and new cartoon animation and is so beautifully odd. I finished watching it and my brain could not comprehend what had just happened.

* Ten things every microsoft word user should know via lifehacker

* I love abstinence posters and bears and pens because its always a guaranteed laugh. This poster, does not disappoint. If you dont click through it says that "Men appreciate things more when they have to work hard for them...so dont be easy!" and shows a woman in a wedding dress. Yea. So much wrong with this argument. Implied in it are goofy things like "men are pigs keep them at bay by keeping your legs shut" and "the purpose of sex is to trap men into marriage." Blah. Like women don't like sex. Or women dont need to be trapped into marriage. Or that there's something wrong with being easy. Anyways if you want to buy me the laminated version its 17 bucks. via feministing

* Okay. First off I found this here. Secondly you dont want to open this at work, or around people unless you want people to see you browse through a listing of rock stars and their penis sizes. Its up to you. I'm not really that much into rock (I grew out of my punk stage pretty quickly) so I just glanced through it. Its umm a good read if umm you're into that kind of thing.

luna, lunita, lunera*

2006-04-17T13:36:00.000-05:00

I love traveling. Packing my bags. Tiny little bottles full of conditioner. Watching people at the airport. The whole thing. Of course its not all perfect. For some reason I seem to scream terrorist and I always end up in the stricter line where someone feels the need to feel me up. (This time they stuck me in some strange machine that blew air on me- it was bizarre to say the least). And my bags are always the last to show up, without fail. But overall, I love the whole thing. I like sitting on a plane, curled up with my fabulous travel pillow, and just staring out at all the fuzzy clouds. Its perfection.

My flight to Texas also ended up being non-stop and I got a window seat with no one sitting next to me in the middle. So all was looking good. Or so I thought. Just as we were getting ready to leave the gate, a couple rushes in and I hear the flight attendant say that there are only two seats left on the plane, one of them being next to me. So I looked them over and was just hoping that the larger gentleman would not be sitting next to me. His pretty girlfriend (or maybe wife?) came to sit next to me instead and I thought I lucked out and was ready to go back to pretend sleep. Now I feel the need to tell you that this woman was stunning. She was possibly Indian or maybe Pakistani, olive skin, beautiful light brown hair, perfectly shaped, dressed impeccably (like they always are), with the most incredible light turquoisey blue eyes. Perfection. Sitting next to me for the next 3 hrs. Not bad right? Except she smelled. Bad. Horribly bad. So bad that I turned the little air thing on (which I never do because I get impossibly cold, and I hate being cold) and turned away into the window and just hoped the smell would go away. But it didn't. It just got worse. It wasn't body odor, I think maybe the smell was emanating from her purse because every time she reached in to get something the smell would just get worse. I think eventually my nose went on strike because I could only faintly make out the awful funk. And by faintly I mean that I would slip into sleep only to awaken because I'd inadvertently slipped into a pocket of stinky air. So my non-stop flight felt endless.

The clouds were pretty though. And eventually I landed. In beautiful Texas. Where it was 79 degrees at 8pm. Just to remind you, there's no sun at 8, so this is just leftover heat. And its why I love Texas. My mom however greeted me at the airport wearing a little wrap, because she said it was chilly. Yea. I love Texas. Just being here makes me feel better. Plus my daddy's hair is the most perfect silver white and he looks extra adorable. I told him he looked like Anderson Cooper, and had a certain gravitas to him. And he laughed, because he knows what gravitas is and I remembered why I adore him so. Its nice to be back.

And now some links:

* The title is from Juanes' adorable "Luna" which you should lisen to right now

* A video on how to get perfect eyebrows in 7 minutes

* To balance out that last link there's this shirt, which perfectly balances humor, raunchiness, and fashion. You didnt think that was possible did you?

* According to this post Argentina is my promised land, pretty people, steaks for lunch and dinner, and dulce de leche. Read the whole thing, and then go eat some steak.

* Sex advice from gossip columnist. Its funny and vaguely educational.

* I love vespas, but now hybrid vespas? I wish I lived someplace where I could have a vespa, and not be crushed to death by suvs.

* For those of you who share my fetish for very pretty tall shoes there's this cute story from the ny times.

* A great interview with Carmen Callil, who founded Virago Press which published books by Adrienne Rich, Maya Angelou, Angela Carter and some other awesome female writers. The interview is funny, and witty, and you should read it. At the very least skim through it.

* I finally saw Duck Season and it was cute, and sweet, and funny. The next up is La mujer de mi hermano, which looks like its going to be good and is showing all over the place.

What's happened has happened/ What's coming is already on its way*

2006-04-11T16:35:00.000-05:00

The last time I was single for any significant amount of time was 6th grade. Significant being a period of time lasting longer than 3 weeks. The very last day of 6th grade, as I was getting ready to board the bus and make my way home, I was asked out by Ernest, my first boyfriend, and that was the end of my single life. I was 11. I'm now 22. Take a moment to let that marinate in your brain because that's all I've been thinking about for a little over a day now. Yea. It's nutty. I thought maybe I was exaggerating things the way I'm sometimes prone to do, but nope every school year from then on was marked by some boy or another. I thought maybe 8th grade was the year I was single until I realized that nope it was just the only year I didn't have a serious boyfriend (serious meaning 6 months or more of dating) and instead had 3 (or maybe 4- my memory is a little fuzzy) different boyfriends.

Yea, right about now I'm wondering why I'm sharing this with you. I don't know really, I think I'm just trying to make sense of it all. Its not like I regret any of those boyfriends, even the bad ones were good for learning something vital about life. Like don't trust assholes or pretty boys are sometimes bad kissers. Plus the mere fact that I can remember who I was dating in 8th grade and not what I learned that year in school must mean something. It could just mean that I was a big ol' slut in 8th grade, but I doubt that's true. Mostly because I knew some slutty 8th graders and I wasn't one of them.

My point though is that I feel like I should feel bad or wrong that I'm 22 and I've been dating for 11 years. But I don't. Its the lack of feeling bad about it that makes me feel weird about the whole thing. Did you follow? If we were talking about anyone else I'd think that continuously dating for 11yrs would do bad things to your psyche. But we're talking about me, and I was me at 11 and I think all that dating was good for me. Dating was what made me human. Its what made me stop being so mean to people. What taught me to accept people just as they are. To stop kicking people. To just chill out and enjoy the process of living. To feel responsibility for making other people cry. All that dating didn't make me boy crazy, or make my identity revolve around men, it did just the opposite. That being said though, I'm looking forward to being single. To plunging into the great unknown all by myself. Its terrifying. But its time.

Some links:

* Ok. First off, I wouldn't open this link around people. Secondly you have to know that I found this link here, and I share it with you only because it confuses me greatly, and I like to share confusion. I'm not sure what's going on in this picture, or where it came from, or why grown men would willingly pose in penis outfits. I just know its funny and disconcerning all at the same time.

* If you ever wanted to track all the cabs in LA now you can.

* Read this. Read the entire thing, especially the end. And then read this.

* Researchers at Tufts found out something pretty amusing, white people act better when in diverse situations. via kottle

* I don't own an ipod, but you might so here are 50 fun things to do with your ipod.

* And if you're still bored there's always popurls

* Oh and the title comes from Fiona Apple's "Red, red, red", in case you were wondering.

Breaking up is hard to do

2006-04-10T00:42:00.000-05:00

In my relatively short life I been in 7 maybe 8 breakups. Andy makes 8 (or 9 depending on your count). Of those I would only classify 3 as being major. Major being defined as that horrible awful pain you feel in your gut when your heart gets stomped on as the result of the end of whatever hormone induced goodness makes you feel all fuzzy inside. This particular breakup however is already unlike any of the previous 8 that came before it. There's none of that familiar hate that normally fuels a breakup. The anger, the yelling, the ceremonial ripping of pictures none of it is there. Well I lie, it was there for about 3 days and then we talked and it dissipated and I slept better than I had slept in months. Andy, being the world class pessimist that he is takes this lack of anger and horrible soul crushing pain as evidence that I didn't love him as much as the rest. I however, as always, see it totally differently. Its evidence that a) I grew the fuck up in the last 4 years and b) that I love him so much more than I could have even imagined loving anyone before. There's just sadness here. That's all there is. I'm not breaking up with someone I hate I'm breaking up with someone I adore and that is a billion times worse. Its easy to end a relationship when there's nothing left and much harder to end one when things just aren't working and you wish it was different and wish you'd just done the whole thing right instead of taking it for granted and being a selfish bitch. Things just are what they are.

Maybe it just hasn't hit me, and a week from now when I'm in Texas a horrible tsunami of pain will incapacitate me. Its entirely possible. Somehow I doubt that though. There just isn't any hate here anywhere between us. Yes, he let me down. But I let him down too. In the end all that amounts to is regret and a wish that we'd done this better than we did and maybe just the faintest glimmer of hope that someday we wont be so stupid.

[insert title here]

2006-04-06T18:31:00.000-05:00

I used to think that the worst thing that could happen to me was having to move back in with my parents. Since I'm going to be living with my parents once again, I'm going to have to revise that and say that living with my parents is not the worst thing that could happen to me. My daddy dying is the worst thing that could happen to me. Or having to live in an igloo and wear smelly animal skins and have to kill my own meat. That sounds like it would definitely be the worst thing that could happen to me. This is just a layover on the way to something better happening. Or something worse, I haven't decided yet. For now I'm going with better. But if this ends up with my being mauled by a bear, then it was definitely not for the better. Unless that ends up in a tv movie of the week being made in my honor, which would be pretty cool. I wonder who would play me? I want to say Keri Russell during the beginning of Felicity before she went nutty and cut off her hair because her hair is curly and so is mine, and she's not working right now, so she's available for tv movies.

Yea, I just rambled into something weird. My point with all this is that my biggest fear is not spiders or heights or tiny dirty spaces, its failure. Specifically failing at life, and living with my parents always seemed to signal that to me. Mostly because I spent pretty much my entire life dreaming about the day when I wouldn't have to live with them (no joke one of my very first memories is of weighing the pros and cons of running away at around 3). But in a very round about way this is good. I'm facing my fear head on. I could stay here in Erie, until I got a job and a place to live since for all his faults and his current asshole-ness Andy is a good human being and would let me stay here since you know at one point he really did love me. But I don't want to stay here. And that's a conscious decision that I'm making. Some people live their entire lives and never face their fears. I've never met any of these people, but I'm sure they exist. Beyond that though this is good because I'm not running away from my fear of failure by going to grad school or law school as a way to postpone adulthood or having to decide what I want to do with my life, I'm choosing to really sit there in the shit of it and just figure it out. And so what if I'm going to be figuring it out with my daddy by my side, there are worse things in life than that. Even I know that.

More than that though I'm going to argue that its impossible to fail at life at 22. Unless you're a former child star, and you've already peaked, there's a whole lot more years left to figure things out and not fail. What's failing at life really? What standard am I using? I'm not failing because I'm not getting married, because that's never been my goal in life. Not having a job is a wee bit failure like but that's only temporary, not the entirety of my life. I did graduate from college, that was a pretty good accomplishment. So yea, I haven't had a chance to fail at life yet. I'm just a kid. And I'm just going home. And its 80 degrees there, and that sounds awful good right about now.

Ok, now while you make sense of all that here are some links:

* "Being twentysomething is always a good excuse for borderline alcoholism." --Maggie, 21

* This week bummed me out, so I don't want to get into the whole immigration thing. You can read a good little roundout of the whole thing here from slate and here from salon. Oh and a good catholic take here.

* What Bush Really Meant (not what he said), a very amusing concept for a blog. Don't believe me? This is the tagline for the blog: "Bush thinks God talks to him. I think Bush talks to me. We're both wacko." Ok, now go read it.

* I really interesting article on procrastination, which I started reading but didn't finish, but will totally finish, eventually, at some point. via lifehacker, my current blog obsession.

* "How to write a thank you note". also via lifehacker.

* "I hate tumors" an article about someone's friend who died at 28 from cervical cancer that hit me in the gut and that you should read too. Its short and good. On a vaguely related note, I used to loooove Jane and read it religiously during high school, since we shared the same odd sense of humor and obsession with fashion until I realized that for all their talk about real women's bodies they never put any real women in their high fashion shoots, which was the reason I stopped reading them. This article makes me want to give them another shot though.

* I've always been inexplicably drawn to LL Cool J. Maybe not so inexplicably, its probably those abs. Plus I like his music, its catchy and summer-y and good to dance to. Anyways, in a very fun read Slate attempts to figure out how he's managed to survive for so long.

* And finally McSweeney's brings you the very best resume ever. Go read it now.

. . .

2006-04-04T15:19:00.000-05:00

I've spent the last 8+ months waiting. Waiting to hear back about some job. Waiting for Andy to get home. Waiting for it to stop snowing, for the water to boil, the rice to be ready. Waiting for Andy to propose. If I'm ever captured and held in a little cell somewhere all by myself I'll know that I'll be able to handle the solitude for about 3 days before I crack. I wouldn't be able to deal with the possibility that I would be there forever, in a little cell, just four walls and me. I haven't minded the waiting because I knew that at some point or another it would stop. Either I'd completely lose it, or I'd get a job and not be here anymore. The solitude is the worst part of it all. Especially for someone like me who thinks entirely too much to begin with, all that time by yourself isn't good. Its bad. It lets you contemplate entirely too many possibilities. Yesterday my brain stumbled upon one that caught me by entirely by surprise.

"He was never going to marry you"

And just like that something snapped. Because everything suddenly made sense. My entire life made sense. So I did what any sane-ish person would do. I packed as much as I could into as many boxes and threw away anything and everything that was weighing me down. It was the exact kick I needed to be productive. And then my brain felt like it was going to split open. So I slept. For like 18 hours. Thanks to the awesomeness of tylenol pm. I woke up today still tired. A little hazy from all the drug induced sleep, but so much more clearer than I've been in a while. I'm a fucking idiot for ever believing that he was going to propose. So yea. That's that. I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with it all.

Links:

* "Girls attempt real-life version of video game"

* The look book once again brings much needed absurdity into my life.

* An interesting interview with Rosie O'Donnell

* top 87 bad predictions about the future.

* "A meditation on the speed limit" - a cute video

* A very informative post on nyc etiquette

Come on everybody to the nth degree*

2006-03-29T02:41:00.000-06:00

When I was little my mom and I would engage in epic battle over food. Specifically vegetables since I've always had a sweet tooth and a deep unshakable hatred for anything green that comes from the ground. So she would tell me that I wouldn't be able to leave the table unless I ate all my vegetables. So I would sleep at the table, because my stubbornness knows no bounds. This went on for at least a week, until my daddy (in all his awesomeness) finally got my mom to back down. There might have been some sort of negotiation or maybe my mom just started coating all vegetables that came my way in butter, but either way the war ended and we went on to engage in other epic battles that had nothing to do with vegetables (and pretty much everything to do with my stubbornness).

Now that I do all my own cooking I pretty much get around this by only cooking vegetables that I enjoy (peas, carrots, mushrooms, corn, and spinach) and only cooking one vegetable I detest (asparagus) because Andy likes it and he's pretty swell. Plus he never makes me eat them, so it works out. That's kind of the thing with me. Its pretty much impossible to get me to eat or do anything I don't want to do. Which is a bit of a problem since my mommy isn't around to force me to eat my veggies, although my insane metabolism pretty much ensures that isn't a problem (for another 5 to 10yrs). What is becoming a problem is my inability to do things I know I have to do but I really hate doing ie. my resume which I am currently avoiding by writing this post. I know it has to be worked on to perfection except actually working on it is like trying to force raw broccoli down my throat-- its not going to happen with out at least someone losing an eye and possibly a spleen.

My solution to this is to follow my father's winning strategy for getting me to do anything I have zero interest in doing, bribery. Now you're wondering how one goes about bribing oneself without creating some weird existential crisis, but its actually really simple. I do whatever I hate in between something I like. So I'll eat a big bag of m&ms while working on the resume (although I'm trying to not use food as a reward since years of Oprah have taught me that's how people become obese) or work on the resume during the commercials for Veronica Mars. Its all win win. The bratty part of me wins. The responsible part of me stops feeling like a loser. For at least a little bit.

I'm not even going to lie though, the 80% of the time is just spent trying to come up with a way to get me to do whatever I don't want to do. Most people call this procrastination, and I'd like to share it with you by passing along these links:

* Facebook is the devil. It always without fail sucks me in and I lose hours (no joke) stalking people I never cared enough about to ever talk to in college, but who have awesome pictures of them drunk and making out with everyone on campus. I've said too much. Here are some ways you too can waste even more time on facebook. And this one is also cool.

* A cool ad involving Amish people. Drag racing. Need I say more?

* Top ten desktop diversions from Business Week. Via my favorite gossip site pinkisthenewblog.

* When poking around the internets for men style stuff for my bro I came across this and thought I'd share. Cause I'm nice like that.

* I always remember every detail of arguments with Andy thus rendering him incapable of launching an effective defense. Over the years though he's developed a pretty good shield against my freakish memory and that is to say it never happened. Although I know it did happen, because I remember every detail (to be honest though I would sometimes say he said stuff that I knew he didn't say because he didn't remember anyways so what does it matter?-- Sorry hun! I play to win). Anyways apparently I'm not the only one with freakish memory and scientist are baffled.

* The top 15 skylines in the world.

* Oh and because consuming only sugar will rot your brain here's an article to make it think, "Why all the turmoil in France?"

*Ah and the title comes from Morning wood's Nth Degree which reminds me of summer and if caught deep inside my head. Plus it doesn't hurt that the lead singer is totally cute.

We used to be friends.

2006-03-28T02:04:00.000-06:00

I can't sleep (not a shock) so I'm watching c-span (big shocker). At first I was just surprised by how calmly and reasonably the senate debate was going. But then Sen. Edward Kennedy came on and the entire thing became easily the best thing on tv, because a) I think he's sauced (he's all red and slurring) and b) he totally owned another Senator yelling at him which pretty much scared everyone in the room but gave me a giant boner. It was awesome. You can watch it here (its Senate Judiciary Full Committee Markup - Afternoon Session and the part I'm referring to starts at 1:59:17ish). Even if you don't watch it, just know that it was awesome.

This whole H.R.4437 immigration debate thing caught me off guard, until the protest in LA woke me up to it (you can read a great first person account here or msn's account here). As someone who's an immigrant I of course have a ton to say on it (plus its my blog and I rant about dumber things than this all the time), but I'd like to read the damn thing before ripping it apart (although lets be honest I'll probably just rip it apart either way).

To get my head around it though I've been glancing at various stuff on the blogs about it and this particular post caught my eye. This is the first time I've come across this particular blog, but his comments on "la reconquista" made me so irrationally angry in the way few things do that I knew I had to comment on it. Ok, first "reconquista" refers to this idea that is floated around (typically after heavy drinking) that Mexico/Mexicans needs to reconquer parts of the US that were once Mexico. This guy is making the argument that this is a real threat that no one is talking about and that's why "we" need to do something (he doesn't specify what) about immigrants who have no interest in assimilating. Yea. I have a huge list of problems with his logic, but for now I'm just going to focus on this little jewel:

That "demographic transformation" is almost here and it is unstoppable. Much higher birthrates among Mexican immigrant women means that by 2050, there will be more than 100 million Hispanics in the US comprising more than a quarter of our population. The current trend has more than 40% of Hispanics in the US living in California alone. That would mean more than 40 million Hispanics in California, the overwhelming number of them from Mexico, who would be a formidable bloc if Mexican irredentism becomes a truly mainstream goal.- Rick Moran

Oh how do I put this? Ok first Hispanic does not equal Mexican. Not by any stretch of the imagination. That's part number one. The second part may come to a shock to those who are not Hispanic/Latino/Chicano/whatever, so I'll do my best to break this down. This conveniently labeled clump of "Hispanics" don't self-identify as Hispanic. If you ask they'll say they're Puerto Rican/Mexican/Latin American/Salvadorian etc. Beyond that though (and this is the shocker) we don't all get along. At all. In the slightest. Each country has its own set of irrational (and rational) reasons for bias (and sometimes hatred) towards on another.

To get your head around this time just try to think of the nasty stereotypes you have about the South or the North or the Amish (ok thats just me), and then just apply that to an entire continent of people. Mostly because whenever you're trying to talk about Hispanics you're talking about a hugely diverse group that runs from white and red headed to black to every permutation in between, rich to poor, catholic to atheists, educated to non-educated. We don't all even speak the same language (yes, most speak Spanish but there are tons of indigenous populations that don't), and even those of us who do speak Spanish have completly different dialects and vocabularies to the point where even those of us that are fluent can have a hell of time trying to understand someone from another country. Blah. My point is that "we" can all barely agree on the correct way to speak Spanish (although clearly the Spaniards are doing it completly wrong) so I can assure you that there are no super secret meetings on reconquering Texas and California. Although if there are can someone foward me the memo? Thanks.

And thats that. I'll finish tackling this thing later.

This is a tribute to the greatest post in the world

2006-03-27T15:10:00.000-06:00

This weekend was interesting. I played designated driver while everyone around me got stupid drunk and I actually didn't mind, which is I'm sure the very first sign that I am old. We left our house around 11ish and got home around 5ish and in those 6 hours I felt like Jane Goodall out in the jungle with the chimpanzees. I saw my very first bar fight (a big ol guy got sucker punched, smacked his head against the wall, and then got right back up like a weebel), saw some unfortunate looking women dancing on top of a bar (why's it always the homely looking ones that are the first to get on the bar?), and even enjoyed an all male a cappella rendition of Madonna's "Like a Prayer" (its as disturbingly entertaining as it sounds). Nothing earth shattering was learned (drunk people like to sing and dance and make inappropriate hookups), but it was none the less a good night. Mostly because I know that the secret to getting along with the deeply inebriated is to always agree with them, that way they have no reason to stab you with anything shiny.

So yea that was that. Sunday was spent with Andy wishing that he would have stopped drinking somewhere around hour 4 and me making a delicious chicken stir fry that was insanely good even for me.

Here are some light and fluffy links:

* Hot Jewish Girls video. Seriously. Its funny and safe for work. The very best line is at the end of the video.

* AskMen.com tells you 6 ways to tell your girl to lose weight. And when that blows up in your face how to get over your ex in 11 simple steps.

* Project Runways' Secret Lesbian.

* This fabulous little sign via the always entertaining nerve scanner.

* And what's with all the ugly shoes for spring/summer? And pairing them with leggins? yuck.

Home is where my habits have a habitat

2006-03-24T15:49:00.000-06:00

The truth is one of those things that's an acquired taste. Some people love it, while others hate it and prefer to have it only with a spoonful of sugar. As someone that spent a good chunk of my life trying to block out reality I've learned to love truth. In some ways this is my down fall since I encounter people who would rather hear a sweeter version of the truth, and then I come along and chop down all their rainbows and unicorns and then you know we cant be friends. But the thing is I'd always rather just know what's what. More than that though I like to just cut to the chase, without any of the niceties that normally go along with it. Like quit all the chit chat and just tell me if I'm dying, or your leaving, or you'd rather date men. Whatever it is I'd rather know now and be firmly rooted in reality than off chasing my little ponies. Or whatever. Which is probably why particular things just get on my nerves. Like fantasy role playing games. Like I'm all for expanding your imagination, but your telling me your a grown ass man and you want to dress up like a storm trooper? Its one thing if its a kinky sex thing, but if that's just your idea of a good time on a Saturday night I'm going to look at you funny. And mock you. Endlessly.

The thing is I completely understand that reality sucks. The world is falling apart at the seams. Not just here in the states, but everywhere. And that makes anyone want to hide under the covers. But the way to deal with that is head on, not by pretending you're a wizard. Because you're not a wizard. It just seems to be a form of apathy that's particularly troublesome since it to comes out of privileged white kids that have a much easier go at life to begin with. Which I know is a complete blanket statement that is based solely on the fact that I never saw anyone at the booker running around in a cape. Of which I saw more than my fair share while at moho. And not a cape as in a whimsical alternative to a coat, but a cape as in I'd rather be in Narnia.

I had a point. Ah yes. Apathy. So not cool. Especially if your privileged. Especially if you don't have a whole world of injustice coming at you since before you were born. The counterpoint of this of course if apathy amongst those of us that aren't white, or upper class, or male, or you get the point. Its one thing to be apathetic when the system or the "man" works in your favor, and quite another to be apathetic when your the one who is being screwed. Then it stops being cute, and starts being stupid. You might as well just walk yourself right back to the plantation because you're missing the whole point. More than that though, if you're not passionate about something, or angry about something, or sad about something especially in our current political climate then you're not really living. And what's the point of that?

That being said I understand the value of mindless entertainment. Turning your brain off every now and then ensures that you don't burn out a la "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy." In the spirit of this I present to you my newest crush via my guilty previously secret pleasure of the food network. The thing about Santos is that its very where's Waldo because he's quietly behind the scenes in every food network show (that's filmed in nyc). If Emeril screws something up Santos magically appears and makes things better. The knowledge that Santos could appear makes any show that much more wonderful. Because when he does show up he's always super dreamy and usually carrying an extra bowl of chopped onions or potatoes or breadcrumbs or whatever else the host might need. Oh and just so you know, that picture, totally not doing him any justice since a) he never smiles on camera (giving him a whole rebel without a case thing that I'm totally into right now) and b) he's a billion times cuter than that.

And now the links:

* My very first serious crush that could have turned me into a stalker, but didn't because I have more sense than that is trying to once again lure me into a life of endless groupiedom. He might just win this fight.

* For a while my big goal in life was to go on Jeopardy. I have since expanded my goals. However if you're still interested this might be your best shot.

* "Iraq is not your girlfriend. And if she was you couldn't treat her like that." Not a new argument, but one that I never tire of hearing.

* One of those funny online sex quizzes, this time designed to test your knowledge of sex in film. I did horribly, just so you know.

* Dog the Bounty Hunter is getting married. You care because there's a mullet involved in the wedding.

* I'm one of those people that loves being right. I'd rather be right than be friends with people, since I've learned that being right keeps me warmer at night than things like compromise or thinking before you speak. Anyways this post brings in a ton of people to my little blog, and when I realized that I was a little horrified since I was being particularly obnoxious that day given that we had just lost an election and what not. This article however reminds me that even when I'm completely off my meds I make more sense than most people.

* Slum ecology. A worthwhile read if you're in the mood to use your brain.

* Most rape victims don't come forward because they're afraid (with good reason) that they're going to be subjected to horrific personal attacks in the vein of "well she's a whore so she was asking to be raped." Hopefully this case can change all that, or at the very least change things just a wee bit.

* Funny video that further illustrates how incredibly stupid people can be.

* Slate tells us why gay marriage does not equal polygamy. My favorite part: "Fidelity isn't natural, but jealousy is. Hence the one-spouse rule. One isn't the number of people you want to sleep with. It's the number of people you want your spouse to sleep with."

* An adorable little comic strip, that encourages all of us feeble minded girls to give Bill Napoli a call when life's big choices get us down.

* How to become an early riser.

* A South Dakota newspaper refuses to run editorials on abortion because they fear people will get too upset. This post smashes that idea into tiny little pieces using humor and sarcasm.

*And finally a fish bowl in the shape of a fish. Very zen. If you're into creepy there's always this.

* Links of course come from my wandering around the web to awesome places such as Salon's Broadsheet and Feministing. Oh and the title is Fiona Apple, and if you didn't know that you are a sad sad person.

Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?*

2006-03-22T01:20:00.000-06:00

Growing up is so seriously over rated. Its all pay bills, wash the dishes, vacuum, laundry, rinse, and repeat. Blah. I'm so sick of it. I'd like to go back to the days of skipping class to go make out between bouts of mario tennis. Its funny though because all I could think of then was that I couldn't wait to go away to college, and then I got to college and realized it was all class, papers and all nighters and not nearly enough partying and making out with boys. Although the reason I went to moho was to focus on my brain and get away from all the boys and the drama. Which was good and all, but maybe I over did it. Once I was in college all I could think was that I couldn't wait until I didn't have to wake up and go to class anymore because how fabulous would it be to be able to read books for fun and have my own kitchen. And here I am out of college and its all real life hum drum and not nearly enough grilled cheese sandwiches and sun bathing on the hill while pretending to do work. I guess the big realization is that there's not nearly enough making out in the "real world," which sucks because there's nothing like a good make out session to fuzz out your brain and talk you down from the ledge.

Did I just grown up too fast or not nearly fast enough? Cause here I am packing up my life and being someone's faux wife and once again longing to be working on my tan and drinking something with a tiny umbrella in it so is it that I rushed into being an "adult" and having an adult relationship or that I just need to suck it up and learn that this is grown up life and it only gets worse from here. I wish more of life came with surgeon general warnings like "moving in with this boy is going to crush your will to live/your heart" or "being a grown up means you have to wash the dishes all the time" or "graduating from college means your bff no longer lives across the hall from you and you have to suck it up like a big girl because life is hard and grown up's drown their sorrows with a glass of wine which you should learn to like because drinking hard alcohol at dinner makes you look like an alcoholic." Blah.

I hate the realization that this isn't the life I want to be living because it means I have to do something about it. When I've much rather hide and pretend its not happening. Cause that always worked so well for me. Although really why am I complaining about anything? Life should be super sweet for me. I don't have to work some shitty job I hate or live in some shitty apartment because Andy takes good care of me, but it seems that I'm missing that gold digger gene or the house wife gene because I'd much rather be on my own paying my own bills instead of playing house. Life would be like a billion percent easier if I was stupid/less ambitious. Damn my parents for ever teaching me to read and that I could do anything I wanted. This is all their fault.

Enough of this emo post. Today's title comes via Lisa Loeb's "Do you sleep?" which was the soundtrack for this post. And yes I am channeling my middle school angst, thanks for asking. Here are the links:

* If you don't use gmail you should this is why.

* You are what you post. Another article that serves to remind us that the internet is a big place that forgets nothing so you should probably take down that picture of you doing shots off that 13yr old girl before the cops come busting through your door. Speaking of which my blog no longer comes up when I google my name, which is awesome.

* Cindy Sheeham's article on the three year anniversary of the Iraq war. Powerful awesome stuff, go read it.

* Somewhat related is McSweeney's "Parallels Between My Living Through Two Years of Middle School and the Two Terms of the Bush Presidency." Its funny but its McSweeney's what else do you expect?

* My favorite advice columnist tackles my current crisis of being 23 and sucking at life.

* Funny funny recap of my favorite show: America's Next Top Model. Yea, I said it, its my favorite show.

* Without a doubt my absolute hands down favorite thing on the internet is New York Magazine's Look Book. Every week when it comes out its like xmas.

* "How to lose a girl in ten words" a wonderful post by one of my favorite bloggers. Also a perfect example of why I just stick to boys from Texas since even when they're complete idiots (or convicted felons) they always remember to treat girls like girls and not frat brothers.

* Whiny insecure kids grow up to watch Fox News while self reliant kids (such as myself) grow up to be liberals. Sometimes I love science.

* "The real keepers of the American flame, the real practitioners of daily love and a life of the spirit, are gay and lesbian parents. They are, gosh darn it, what made this country great. Someone get a damn fife and drum." Make sure to read the rest of Jon Carroll's awesome column.

* The supreme court is hearing arguments that could seriously impact the prosecution of domestic violence cases. Read a good op-ed of it here.

* "Why Republicans are the best party in bed." Although funny (number 7 is my personal favorite) it does nothing to change my view that being a republican is the ultimate turnoff.

* I watched V for Vendetta this weekend. I of course loved it, even though its not the type of movie that I normally enjoy (action films are not my thing) because I am a bleeding heart liberal. Some critics hated it others loved it. I say watch it yourself and make up your own damn mind, if only because Natalie Portman is hot and doesn't pick bad movies (she needed the money to pay for Harvard hence the bad Star Wars movies, it was either that or turn tricks and you know she's too classy to go down like that).

*The links came from the usual suspects: kottle, salon's broadsheet, and feministing.

Why so blue panda bear?*

2006-03-20T17:07:00.000-06:00

Before I begin a small clarification on the last post. First I am by no means a porn expert or porn connoisseur. I was merely attempting to figure out why as a very liberal open minded person porn made me feel so icky. It wasn't meant as the end all be all argument against porn. Oh and I really was talking more about two dimensional porn (as in images) than video porn or live action porn neither of which I'm familiar enough to speak about. And that's that.

On a vaguely related note though, you must read this article in GQ about Adriana Lima (who I must admit is my current favorite super model) in which she states that sex is just for after marriage. What follows after that is probably the most unintentionally funny interview that I've read in a while, since its pretty clear the interviewer doesn't believe her assertions that she's a virgin. Although can you blame him? The reason Adriana Lima is one of the highest paid models is because she looks like sex, no matter what you put her in she just exudes sex. Which is a pretty cool trick, but I guess makes people assume things about you which might not be true. Which leads me to wonder if she's just playing a jedi mind trick and lying or if she's really serious. And why do I care? Why do we ever care if someone is or is not a virgin? Does the allusion of virginity really make someone that much more attractive? And why is no one asking any equally hunky men about their virginal status?

That's all I got. Oh and the title comes from this fabulous little ad which is so insanely creepy its funny. And now the links:

* A great article on a course on African-American sexuality and how it attempts to have students of color rethink what's natural.

* A list of the 100 most overlooked films in the 90s.

* A fabulous post on why I don't have the energy to read another article on why feminism makes women unhappy. Its short, its funny, go read it.

* Who knew social embarrassment was the way to make assholes quit buying hummers? I wonder what else we can apply this to.

* Apparently strippers have unions in Australia. And their unions actually accomplish stuff.

* The egg donor business booms college campuses.

* The battle to ban birth control. A long but worth while article on the new tactic of creating regulations against things we all know and love like the pill and condoms. Here's a small excerpt:

"While no one is suggesting that activists like Worthington will ever succeed in outlawing condoms or the pill, they are making incremental progress in passing laws that are making access to birth control more difficult. Of the 23 states that mandate employers to provide insured coverage for prescription contraceptives to their employees, 14 have exemptions for religious employers, and Missouri allows any employer, religious or secular, to deny coverage for any kind of contraception. During the 2005 legislative session, more that 80 bills in 36 states were introduced that would restrict minors' access to birth control. [...] And then there is the matter of pharmacists and "conscience clause" laws. South Dakota, Arkansas, Georgia and Mississippi already allow pharmacists to refuse to fill contraceptive prescriptions. And at least 15 states have legislation pending that would allow not just pharmacists to refuse to dispense prescriptions, but would also protect cashiers who refused to ring them up. "

Porn does more than kill kittens

2006-03-18T00:54:00.000-06:00

As a card carrying feminist it should come as no surprise that me and porn are not friends. My reasons however have very little to do with feminism. Its not the objectification or exploitation of women in porn that bothers me, even though I do think that women are objectified as sexual playthings in porn and that this is bad for women as a whole. But it doesn't bother me since I'm sure there are women that are into that kind of thing and have really turned the objectification into real tangible power (Jenna Jameson comes to mind). Plus its not up to me to judge what another woman has decided to do with her own body. Its just not my style.

Actually my main problem with porn is that it glosses over the most interesting parts of people. The flaws. In porn the women are perfectly blond and tanned, and while that's all well and good, its not real. And reality is the best part of sex. There's nothing like finding something on someone's body that's uniquely theirs. The mole right above their hip. Or the way a nose is slightly off center. The little blond hairs amidst all the black ones. The way their ear lobe is extra springy. The plumpness of a belly. All those little quirks are airbrushed right out of porn to make way for an idealized version of what women are supposed to look like. Which is boring to me.

When I'm with someone I like the sense of discovery that comes from seeing something no one has ever seen before. Its like discovering the new world without all the colonialism and small pox. Its fun. But in the porn that I have been exposed to (which is very mainstream we're talking playboy not midgets in bear suits doing donkeys) that just isn't there. And that saddens me, because the best parts of people, the things that make them really beautiful and worth knowing, is the mix of flaws and quirks that make them them and not someone else. I have no interest in perfect versions of people. Perfection is boring. And I'd rather get off on something real. Although this isn't to say that I want to watch your home videos, since you should know that no one wants to watch your home made porn unless of course your name is Paris Hilton or Tommy Lee in which case everyone is going to be watching.

That little rant turned out longer than I expected. If you're still bored, here are some links to keep you amused and away from the porn:

* An interview with the new folks on snl that have made the show worth watching again.

* "Fake Gay News, because real gay news is too damn depressing"

* Umm so some people really do want to ejaculate like a porn star...especially like this guy. To which I say ew.

* "4 out of 10 people think it's okay to talk on a cell phone in the bathroom"

* A cute little article on a Colombian musician who turns ak-47s into guitars.

* A great analysis on Matisyahu on Slate. The most interesting part for me was the last five paragraphs on how Jewish musicians/entertainers have been doing this type of thing for a while.

* The Men's Bill of Rights from Slate, continuing the conversation on the reproductive rights of men.

* How to be a good lover.

* Hello Kitty Waffle maker. Because waffles are just that much more delicious when they're shaped like hello kitty.

* The shame on you kit for those who want to be prepared for their one night stand with both condoms and a side of guilt.

* A surprisingly lucid interview with Macaulay Culkin from New York Magazine.

* The top 1000 list of books in public libraries in the US.

* Writing and drinking go hand in hand.

* A very funny video on the value of virginity. ps. this is soo not safe for work.

Now with more sperm!

2006-03-15T11:57:00.000-06:00

Normally I don't open spam. Its all "enlarge your penis" and since I have no penis, and I am not a teenage boy I'm not interested. Except today I saw something that I knew was probably spam but was intrigued enough by the subject heading. It said simply "hi, hit me." And I was like huh? What is this? So I clicked. And got a weird quote:

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. We call a man a bigot or a slave of dogma because he is a thinker who has thought thoroughly and to a definite end."

So now I'm even more confused. So I clicked on the attachment. And I know I know you're not supposed to click on the link. That's just inviting your computer to get syphilis. But I was so curious. Sooo curious. I wasn't stupid though, I didn't download the attachment I just opened it in the browser. And what I got was this gem:

"More Sperm, means longer orgasms.

bigger stamina... Ever wanted to ejaculate like a porn star?

Worldwide shop

Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid. Evolution is not a force but a process. Not a cause but a law. The greatest difficulties lie where we are not looking for them."

First I have to congratulate whoever came up with this little spam campaign because it confused me enough that didn't just automatically delete it. Secondly how does more sperm equal longer orgasms? Like where is the correlation? I want to see some data, because I've never ever felt like what was keeping me from achieving an orgasm was a lack of sperm. Not once have I ever finished having sex and thought you know what was missing? Sperm. Lots of sperm. Oh and who wants to ejaculate like a porn star? Who is this person? I could understand wanting to be built like a porn star. Or wanting to have as much sex as a porn star. Or have your own line of dildo and dildo accessories like a porn star. But ejaculate? Seriously? That's a little sick, even for you.

And now the links:

* For some reason I'm noticing a weird news trend. First it was this. Which was weird enough. And then designer vaginas. But virgin cream? You have got to be kidding me. Of course I found all this stuff here.

* For those of you with a great love of strippers. I think its actually a very clever campaign. Cooler than that though is that I saw the exploding car exhibit that they're using as the banner at MASS MoCa last year. And it was awesome.

* The nutritional benefits of picking your nose.

* For those of you with a thing for gnomes.

* The only thing extraordinary about my high school was the marching band. Here's proof. When I saw Kanye's video for the first time I thought it might be them, but then promptly dismissed it because there must be a million BTW bands in the US. But then Jose and his ability to find the most useless things on the web persevered and we now have the link.

* I can't believe I forgot to link to this yesterday. Its both incredibly funny and a little too realistic for comfort.

Only in dreams

2006-03-14T09:50:00.000-06:00

My right knee looks like it has a black eye. Because I am a genius who at 22 still manages to have nightmares. The problem is not so much the nightmares but how real they are. I think that's the problem with all my dreams they're all a little too life like. This particular nightmare involved giant flying ants with big sharp teeth coming after me in my bedroom. And of course since I have freakish visual memory it looked exactly like my bedroom down to the pile of books that are currently on my nightstand. Now this whole nightmare thing happens pretty regularly about once a month or so. They started junior year at some point and go away and come back really randomly. This time however because I am genius, marks the first time I ever injured myself as the direct result of one of these nightmares.

Normally the way this goes is that I scream, jump out of bed, turn on the lights and promptly wake up, look around and then go back to sleep. This time however I managed to tangle my feet in the covers in such a way that my entire 108lb frame landed on my right knee. Hence the beautiful green and purple bruise that now accents my knee. Then some other less interesting stuff happened (Andy tells me that I tried to hide in the closet) but the most interesting part for me was that I didn't wake up until I was in our second bedroom where I woke up not from Andy telling me to calm the fuck down, but from the throbbing awful pain in my knee which was by this point bleeding.

This was Friday night. Its now Tuesday. And my knee is still bruised, but at least now I can bend it, which is nice. Since you know bending your knee is useful. When I told my mom about it she suggested that I start hiding my car keys so I wouldn't drive into a pole in the middle of the night. But I'm sure I'd wake up before then, at some point. Really besides the whole injury to my knee thing the nightmares don't really bother me. As soon as they're over I just go right back to sleep like nothing happened. It really just sucks to be Andy since he has to hear me freak out. But I figure it all evens out in the end.

* "That's right. The state legislature wants public libraries to keep their faggot books away from tender, easily influenced, God-fearing children lest they catch queer."

* "Women hate women. We all secretly think we're men." This quote is out of a discussion on rape on nerve.com. The first 2 pages I didnt agree with much of anything, but the third page really brings some really interesting things up.

* creepy.

* "Here lies Billy sperm ejected into a dirty sock." A political cartoon that while outlandish makes a good point about where we're heading.

* Good idea. Bad campaign.

* The aural times. Highly entertaining. Stolen shamelessly from my brother.

* I can't believe a guy that looks like this has the balls to write a book on manliness.

* A interesting post on the pros and cons of Fuck Me Feminism. Which sadly was not covered in any of my feminist theory courses.

me vale lo que piensen, hablen de mi es mi vida y yo soy asi!

2006-03-09T12:52:00.000-06:00

I may or may not have cursed at a nun earlier this week. I'm hoping I didn't. But I honestly cant remember. It all happened so fast. I called to confirm my interview. She (the nun) said that my appointment was for 9am (which was exactly when I was calling) and I remember a string of curses in my head. I just don't know if any of them came out. Given my track record of cursing at insanely inappropriate moments (LD debate finals, summer 00' being broadcast live in front of a large audience being one of my more classic moments) I'm going to go with yea, I cursed at a nun.

The nun was of course nice and let me reschedule. Thankfully I don't want the job and was only going out of curiosity. Reasons I don't want the job include but are not limited to: it was located inside a church (working at a church would only reinforce my deeply buried catholic guilt), the pay sucked (my interview outfit cost more than I'd make in a week there), and you know I'm not staying in Erie so getting a job in Erie is kind of stupid.

Its funny because right when I'm positive 100% moving is when I start getting interviews. I got another call from a different place asking me to come in for an interview this morning. I haven't decided if I'm going to call them back or not. Its just cruel that just as I'm leaving and packing is when people want to interview me. My luck is all out of whack. But maybe this means that folks in Boston will get it together and call me back. Maybe.

*This post is a bit of a downer, but the most beautiful sum up of a breakup that I've ever encountered.

*Macho Macho Military. A good read if you're in the mood for some thinking.

*If you're not in the mood for something there's always this. To which I have to say that as someone who has read Marx, Foucault, Butler, etc I'm a bit ashamed by how much this site amuses me.

*People Houston whats going on? Don't embarrass me like this. Its not cool.

*Personally I always found the "de" endearing, but I can see why if you have no choice in taking its suddenly not so cute. Read about it here.

*Jack Nicholson is pure entertainment.

ps: if you can guess where the title is from I'll send you a cookie.

sugar is only sweetness, salt is ocean tears

2006-03-07T22:34:00.000-06:00

I'm mentally preparing myself for how incredibly lame next week is going to be. With Andy in New York for a conference I'll be in Erie, all by myself. For a week. Yea. Its going to suck. But its necessary. I'm moving out and I need to face that head on. As opposed to knowing I'm going to move and starting the process of packing but really pretending its not happening. I'm not moving. Let's not talk about what's going to happen. I guess when I go I'll take the pastry blender but leave the grill pan. But its not happening yet so why are we talking about this.

Without Andy to distract me though I'll have to get the boxes out and just start packing. So I don't know exactly what city the boxes are going to. I know they aren't staying here. And that's really all that matters right now. Plus its probably emotionally neater if I pack without Andy around being impossibly cute and making me think that maybe just maybe this place isn't so bad. Cause it is so bad. There's no ignoring that. Unless I started drinking heavily, which I wont do since my love for my liver knows no bounds.

So I'll pack. Cause boy do I own a lot of shit. Its mostly books. Cause getting rid of books just feels wrong to me. And I'll watch Sex and the City. All six seasons. Which will maybe get me through to Thursday. If I pace myself. Maybe I'll drink. That might make this whole thing easier.

uh that post was a downer. here are some links to get the taste out of your mouth:

*Turns out blondes have been having more fun for centuries.

*A really funny read about award winning movies that critics hated.

*Why its important to for journalist to just ask people if they're gay as opposed to just describing them with words like "flashy" and "coy". Read it here.

*Ride me bicycle panties. Its funny, cute, and gets your point across. Plus its for a good cause! (besides getting you laid)

South Dakota is an attention whore

2006-03-07T10:32:00.000-06:00

Here's the thing. I never liked South Dakota. I have never once thought about moving there or going there on vacation. In reality I think the only time I ever gave South Dakota any thought was when I was being tested on the locations of US States, which means (since I went to public school) were talking like 5th grade (right brent?). But we were never not friends. I didn't have any of the foul feelings about South Dakota that I had about other places like New Jersey (it smells), Arkansas (inbreeding), or Maine (seriously it might as well be Canada). Until now. Now South Dakota is dead to me. Its become more backwards in my mind than Mississippi (which I've actually been to and while beautiful is backwards). Ban abortion? Seriously? You're not joking? Your serious? Not joking? Uh you do realize that people have sex right? Like all the time. When they're not married. You see that chair? People have done it on that chair. That's probably cum your sitting on Mr. Governor.

The thing is abortion while unpleasant is like death and taxes. It happens all the time for all sorts of reasons and no one throws a parade when it shows up. You just deal with it and then have a snickers to take the taste out of your mouth. Blah whatever. That's all I'm going to say about that.

*Slate does a nice analysis of the inherent hypocrisy of the ban here. Its a short read I promise.

*A very interesing longer read on the interscetion of abortion politics and class, by Meghan Daum.

Oh and if you think that maybe I'm over reacting because you know I'm a man hating feminist (which I am ask my friends) you can read what South Dakota legislator Bill Napoli had to say about making exceptions to the bill:

"A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life." -BILL NAPOLI

Better yet you can watch it here.
He sounds like such a pleasant man, this Bill Napoli.

Conmigo nada es facil

2006-03-05T18:24:00.000-06:00

This weekend was actually quite enjoyable, thanks in large part to the obscene amount of money we spent at Banana Republic. Only problem was that both times we went into the store we were followed around. The first time it was by a hyper attractive black man, who was basically stalking us around the store. I looked at women's tops and he was there, I looked at men's ties and he was right there too. I thought maybe he worked at the store since he was never looking at the clothes just at us, and whenever I looked him straight in the eyes he would advert his eyes and pretend to look someplace else, but he wasn't wearing the requisite madonna headset they wear there. Of course Andy saw none of this because his paranoia does not extend into retail stores, just mine. The second day when we went in it was a smaller latino (possibly puerto rican?) man, who was a lot better at the stalking. He was wearing a headset so I know he worked for the store, and everytime I looked at him he looked like he felt really bad for following us around and promptly would move to another side of the store, which I appreciated. The thing was that its not like me and Andy scream "shoplifters" or even "thugs." We scream things like "return their library books on time" and "spend entirely too much time watching the discovery channel."

But whatever. On the way home I asked Andy what he thought the deal was and he of course was like "they weren't following us around, I figured they were just checking you out" which troubles me even more than them thinking we were shoplifters, since a) I was wearing a giant coat and there was nothing to check out and b) I was with Andy the whole time so who stalks someone's girlfriend around while the boyfriend is right there?

I almost wish Brent would have been there because both of us have a finely tuned paranoia that catches every weird glance and or glare in our direction, but alas Andy 's paranoia is limited to germs and me and whether or not I've cheated on him in the last five minutes.

Hips don't lie

2006-03-03T12:26:00.000-06:00

You want to know what's worse than your parents hating your boyfriend? Your parents loving your boyfriend. Whenever I talk to my mom its always "how's Andy doing? Is everything going well? I hope he's not working too hard" and I'm like mom get off it he's my boyfriend. Honestly I think the woman (if she could) would trade me for him any day. I can't blame her though, Andys obnoxiously perfect, she would have saved herself a lot of heartache if she'd just had him instead. But alas hindsight is 20/20.

*And seriously. Words cannot describe. Who needs an abstinence bbq apron? Although the iron hymen bears are cute, they could be misread as someone advertising that they like it rough as opposed to them not wanting it at all.

*this is just cool.

*The secret creative life of others. I always love watching in awe as someone I thought I knew blows me away with their real passion that they keep hidden. I think its magical.

*The news is depressing more than usual lately.

ps: wtf? via productdose.com

epiphanies happen slowly

2006-02-26T23:42:00.000-06:00

Its funny how at 22 your life can seem so stable, so settled. And then life happens. And nothing is stable and settled and you're right back where you started. Wondering about the basic things like where your going to live next, what exactly your going to do. Who's going to love you now.

So yea. I dont know. The world just got really scary all of a sudden.

Bill O'Reilly is a tool

2006-02-21T13:36:00.000-06:00

Bill Clinton gets a blowjob and its impeachment time. Dick Cheney shots someone and its not a big deal. Man I love Bill O'Reilly. Watch it here:

http://www.salon.com/ent/video_dog/media/2006/02/16/oreilly/index.html

Pipo chan

2006-01-08T12:57:00.000-06:00

Since Andy works 6 days a week, I spent a lot of my time alone. Which is good in a way because I'm a bit of a hermit (and that's putting it mildly) but it also just sucks because I really enjoy hanging out with him. Although it gives me more than ample time to watch a lot of bad TV without judgment. This week the WB ran a marathon of "Beauty and the Geek" a show that I'm sure everyone is ashamed to watch. Mostly because out of all realty TV this is pretty much the worse, its on the WB which already makes it hard to publicly pronounce your love for, and its based off the Bachelor, men and women on a show to win some money by working on a team for money, but with the hope that they'll hook up. Except the show is good. At its core its a really sweet show about people getting to know each other past stereotypes and learn from people who are vastly different from themselves. I think that's what makes it so hard to admit to like this show, its not just bad TV that is enjoyable because its soo bad that its good. Its a show that should be bad, but isn't. My point though is that I wonder if I could manage to weasel my way onto the show as one of the beauties. I've never in my life pretended to be stupid so I wonder if its even possible for me to pass as a blond bimbo. I have the sneaking suspicion that my sarcasm would slide through. Plus I'm sure everyone on that show is properly vented to ensure that no one is faking it. But wouldn't it be great if one of those beauties had actually gone to Cal-Tech and one of those geeks was the man-whore out of all the band geeks? I think then maybe we'd all really challenge some misconceptions.

So yea...here are the links that kept me amused this morning:

*The cute factor.
*Reggaeton is the next big thing. This story just makes me even more jealous of my friend in Puerto Rico.
*Moving to the suburbs isn't everyone's dream.
*A really interesting story about the weird competition between a wife and her mother in law.
*There have been 2,405 coalition deaths in the war in Iraq as of January 9, 2006, according to a CNN count. CNN does a really nice breakdown of those deaths in terms of race, age, nationality as well as providing a listing of all the dead. The very first name on the list is Cpl. Roberto Abad, 22, from Los Angeles, CA. The fact that we're the same age and have the same last name makes his death all the more sad for me. -from fark.com
*affordable mid century modern design. -from purecontemporary.blogs.com
*a list of overlooked albums from 2005. -from slate.com
*And the US has decided that a bridge doesn't constitute dry land.

one is the primest of prime numbers

2006-01-05T18:38:00.000-06:00

I noticed something interesting at the supermarket today. I was the only person there who seems to do any actual cooking (actual cooking being defined as more than heating up frozen food). I, of course, was the youngest person at the supermarket by about 30-40 years which already makes everyone look at me weird. Although I did see a pair of catholic schoolgirls there, but I think they were only using the bank. This is not the first time that I've gone to the supermarket and been the only person pushing a cart filled with vegetables, which makes me wonder if people in Erie cook. Or if all the people in Erie who cook shop someplace else. I know its a union town and people work crazy hours, but I wonder where all the stay at home moms shop. I know they're out there because whenever I make the mistake of going into Target between 10-2pm they're out in full force with their adorable 3 kids, which always makes me feel weird for not having 3 kids myself. But that's something else entirely.

Besides getting weird looks at the supermarket for buying organic spinach today has been a really good day. Granted its 30 degrees outside and its been raining all day but its Erie, its not like I expect to see anymore 80 degree and sunny days anytime soon. So for now the weather is bringing me down, especially since I received an email from UCLA confirming me for a writing class that I'm taking there via the all powerful internet. So today it rocks.

Here are the links:

*4 Reasons to be glad Bush is still president.
*A solar backpack that charges your cell phone. From Target.
*words cannot describe.

long long time ago

2006-01-04T13:03:00.000-06:00

Spending the last two weeks in Texas was a necessary vacation for me. As always its so nice to go back to Texas, its hard to explain to people that have never been to Texas and have these silly misconceptions about the place but it is really a wonderful state filled with good food and great people and good weather. My body needed to feel 70 degrees again, since in Erie after all that snow it was getting hard to believe in the existence of the sun and warmth. From the moment I got there though I realized I didn't belong there anymore. Houston changes at a ridiculous pace, old buildings are torn down and freeways are erected. All that traffic, all those people. It was a bit overwhelming.

The city feels different too. All those plates from Louisiana, making all the more real the fact that in a year an entire city of people have been lost. In my isolation here I've grown accustomed to white faces at the supermarket and post office, completely forgetting how adorable it is to see little brown children running around Target. I still long for home. For Texas. But being in the north these past 4 years has changed me. All that traffic now seems unnecessary, excessive. I feel less overwhelmed in my day to day life. Its kind of nice. Nicer still because its temporary. Perfect even because of who is here with me.

So that's that. Here are some links that entertained me this morning:

*The battle over what it means when women stay at home continues.
*Why its hard to share the wealth.
*Design Without Reach. An homage to Design Withing Reach. The satellite bowl is actually pretty ingenious.
*My outsourced Life. A fabulously funny article on outsourcing.
*Being Poor. A post that hits you in the gut.

And finally a really funny end of year list from the BBC. Here are my favorites:

8. Devout Orthodox Jews are three times as likely to jaywalk as other people, according to an Israeli survey reported in the New Scientist. The researchers say it's possibly because religious people have less fear of death.

11. One in 10 Europeans is allegedly conceived in an Ikea bed.

41. Tactically, the best Monopoly properties to buy are the orange ones: Vine Street, Marlborough Street and Bow Street.

69. First-born children are less creative but more stable, while last-born are more promiscuous, says US research.

94. Bill Gates does not have an iPod.

Most of these links came from kottke.org

there aint nothing for free

2006-01-03T14:13:00.000-06:00

hello again. its been a long time. summer came and went and now its winter and I'm in a different state and in a completly different place then I was before. Its good though. Change is always good. Even if it sucks for a while.

When I went to Texas for the holiday break I found out that my mother had told everyone in Colombia that I was married. Which resulted in me screaming at my grandmother who I only speak to once a year that I wasnt married. Later on I asked her if her family didnt ask for some proof that I was married and she was like "oh no" like I was the silly one.

So yea. I'm not married. I'm happy. Its winter. And I'm back. Let the peasants rejoice.

i did it.

2005-05-10T01:57:00.000-05:00

i feel like this momement requires documentation. today was an awesome day. it marked the end of my undergraduate career. and god damn it i earned this one. all by myself.

this semester has been impossible. i honestly didn't think that I would make it. between the internship, and being an hp, and taking 5 classes, and having a life, and painting. i didnt think i would get to this point. but here it is. i'm done.

it feels amazing. like a daze. my last paper was due at 5pm. i considered getting an extension on it. but i didnt. i just turned it in. then the women's studies majors all got together and celebrated. what an awesome group of women. three tequilla shots in the room where i took womst 390 and fem and queer theory. then we went and had an early dinner. and i was tipsy, partially on the cuervo but mostly on the accomplishment. i finished. it still hasnt completly hit me.

then dinner in amherst. and a bit more drinking. and i got a job for the summer, which is super good news. its a really great position and i'm incredibly excited. i didn't think i would get it. but i did. all by myself.

oh and i took ten seconds off my minesweeper score, taking me to 94 seconds in expert. which is definately among the top world minesweeper scores. and we played some barrell of monkeys and i whooped everyones ass and won.

i started the day off with an email from my cuba prof, letting me know that if i had taken the independent with her for credit i would have gotten an A-. I just needed to pass and i got an A-.

i feel like i so very rarely do, that i accomplished something worthwhile here. and it wasnt given to me because i'm spoiled and priviledged, i had to earn it. and i did. and it feels awesome.

i am the winner

2005-04-28T23:35:00.000-05:00

I am:
0%
Republican.

"You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

Are You A Republican?

Ha!

Anyways on page 6 of the 20 page anthro research paper that I am editing. I'm basically going through and putting in stronger evidence and strenghtening my argument but its taking forever. So in between deep thinking about migration as a gendering process for Latino men I play minesweeper. Lots of minesweeper. Thinking about it today I think I play over 3 hours worth of minesweeper whenever I write a paper. Its probably way more than that but if I actually tallied it up I'd cry. I did however learn that my 27 sec. time in the intermediate minesweeper qualifies as a world record (in the top 25 of times for that level) which is cool. especially since I lost my old records when I reformated my computer, so who knows what scores I had there. They were good though. I remember that.

Next Tuesday is my last day of classes, which I will celebrate by going to champagne and strawberries. After that I only my womst paper (20pg), my presentation (10 minutes in front of a bunch of people), and my comedy final. Totally doable. Yay!

Okay back to the horror that is editing.

this is me doing my work

2005-04-24T14:49:00.000-05:00

You Are 55% Normal

(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...
Other things you do are downright strange
You've got a little of your freak going on
But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

that was amusing. and not one of the three things i should be working on. oh well. i'm having burst of productivity were I write a good page and a half and its followed by an hour of me searching the internet and taking silly quizzes. this paper has to get done today. and i absolutely have to work on the first of the 20 page monsters.

here are some more things to keep you distracted:

* 10 things about interns.

* I knew they'd pick a winner.

* just kidding

* tony danza rocks.

"the way to hump a cow" *

2005-04-21T23:24:00.000-05:00

my eye needs to stop twitching. seriously. now. it started twitching a while ago (maybe at the beginning of the semester) and then andy came to visit and it stopped. but then of course he had to leave because he has to write a thesis in 9 days and it started twitching again. even though it was most lovely this week. i wore flowery dresses, and left the sunroof open on my car and it was fabulous. except for my eye which kept twitching. its the only part of my body that seems to care that i have to write a 20pg paper, a 5pg paper, a 3 pg paper, a 20pg paper, a 5pg paper, take a final, paint, paint, paint, write a speech, and give a speech in the next 2 weeks. the rest of me didnt really care. i was too busy watching the west wing, taking 2 hour dinner breaks, and goofing off with my friends.

during my goofing around I saw a post on my brothers site about someone wanting a life sized cut out of him and joked that it would be motivational not creepy. so in response he made this and suddenly i regained my work ethic. I've finished editing all the papers I needed to read for my anthro class, made appointments, gone into work, started readings, gone to class, and started my research for my 2nd 20 page paper. so now my brother is my wallpaper and work is getting done. yay.

now if only my eye would stop twitching.

*e.e.cummings. read this.

-and this.
--and this too.
---and while your at it, dont forget about this. (okay so maybe I havent been so productive)

mercury is the new lead

2005-04-18T14:15:00.000-05:00

Fortune cookie says "If you don't enjoy what you have, how could you be happier with more?"

Fortune cookies are surprisingly clever sometimes. Oh well. The universe has returned back to normal, after a week were everything was upside down, but Andy came to visit first for a night and then for two nights and it was fabulous. Absolutely nothing got done. We did however eat yummy Chinese food and have pizza and watch most of the fifth season of the west wing. Which was most needed.

Now I have a rather long list of things that need to be done. I have no clue how they'll actually get done, but I know it has to happen. I cannot wait to be done with classes. I'm very much looking foward to that.

le piccole virtu

2005-04-16T09:33:00.000-05:00

This past week has been bizarre. I ran into the one person I absolutely did not want to see. It was bound to happen. I don't think he saw me. And if he did I don't think either of us wants to say a damn thing to one another. Well maybe a few choice words, but I'm civilized enough to keep them all in my head.

He looked so happy and carefree. I think that's what really got to me. How happy and carefree he looked. This week has just been like that, reminders from the past about the way I once was and how I'm no longer that person. Letting go of the past is a lot like mourning for someone who has passed, except once you let go there is something much better waiting on the other side.

This entire school year has been reflective like that. Looking at the past, figuring out what to keep and what gets thrown out. There's been a lot of throwing out this past week. But, its good its like pulling out the weeds so they don't suck all the minerals from the daffodils.

So what if I trust way less people than I did before? The good still outnumber the bad. And in the end, thats what keeps me going.

come out and play in the sun

2005-04-12T10:52:00.000-05:00

You know I'm ready to check out when I'm updating my blog a million times a week.

Time needs to hurry up. And my work needs to magically get itself done. Specifically my painting class, in which I'm 2 assignments behind. Eh. I wish I cared. Yesterday I sketched out my still-life and my Prof. came by and freaked out on me telling me that I made the purple ball (one of those kickball things) too big. Basically he wanted me to start over. And I just stared at him and told him I didnt want to put too much stuff in it and that I liked it. And he said that he wanted me to put stuff in it because I have a habit of making things too "shapey." I have no clue what that means. If he had said "cartoony" or "cute" I would have agreed with him. So I ignored him and continued on. The man doesnt like me as it is, which might be a problem if I cared, but I dont.

Oh well. In other news I've decided that my summer plans will revolve around me getting the fuck out of my life. Specifically not going to Houston for longer than 2 weeks (my parents are lovely but stressful) and getting out of the country. I got a sorta job offer that would be able to pay for my need to spend ridiculous amounts of time around people who speak Spanish and in a bikini. Its good to know I have priorities. Or not.

Links:

*Why naming your kid "Roshanda" is probably a bad sign. There's also a list of the whitest and blackest names. Thankfully Jessica is not on either list.

*Pink umbrella from Target. (from mighty goods)

*One in seven Americans would stop in the middle of sex to answer their cell phone. Why?

2005-04-10T21:13:00.000-05:00

Spent the day sunbathing on the mandelles hill with Yara. Took a book with me but only read about a page in it. Saw some girls playing with a frisbee and a topless Bulgarian. Yea.

If last week I was ready to check out, this weekend it only got worse. Time needs to go by faster. And I need to figure out some summer plans. the end.

we all feel how we feel inside

2005-04-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

This past week has been surprisingly good to me. It basically involved me reading every book and article on Latino masculinity and then writing 19 pages in 14 hours. The first 11 were pretty good. If I had started a couple of hours earlier I would have done and alright on the other ones. But alas sun always beats work and I spent more time sunbathing than typing. Oh well paper draft is turned in.

The weeks just been a lot of memorable moments. Like a really fun seminar class and sitting in front of Blanchard with Yara avoiding work and enyoing the early night. Going out to mexican food and being really loud. Standing my ground in a meeting and winning. Getting to talk with old friends. And yea. a bunch of tiny good times.

I'm ready to graduate. Like mentally ready to move on. And that feels ridiculously good.

*This guy's been in college for 11 years. I respect that. I could barely stand to go through 4.
* I love pocky, the delicious Japanese waffle chocolate sticks. But I do not get their commercials. At all.
* this is just so i wont forget to watch this.

f@#&! self involved pricks

2005-04-05T10:04:00.000-05:00

Its a bad sign when you're trying to write a message to your hall and everything you think of ends in "bitches"

Man I need to get out of this place.

And now a quote from my new favorite website:

Girl #1: She always has this miserable look about her.
Girl #2: Dude, that's just her face.
Girl #1: Ew.

--Lincoln Center

and a link. about the japanese.

This feels exactly like the last semester at HSEP where I missed a month of school and spent a billion more hours playing Mario Tennis than in Physics. awesome.

A month from now this will all be over.

2005-04-04T12:50:00.000-05:00

I'm incredibly amazed at my ability to be a horrible student sometimes. Not all the time. Just enough to get myself in trouble every now and then. Like now. When I have a fairly important 20 page paper of doom due tomorrow I am sitting here happily updating my blog. Why? Because I really stopped caring. I had a horrible allergic reaction to something this weeked (I'm hoping its either oil paints), and really after losing all of Saturday to the horror of Benedryl I really just dont care about my work. Which is bad. I should care. But I dont.

I really dont. Instead I have been doing everything but work today. For instance I cleaned my room. Made my bed. Made myself breakfast. Read everything on the internet. Straightened my hair.

Thus I leave you with links:
* http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/people/columns/intelligencer/11678/index.html
* http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/03/22/hogzilla.ap/index.html?section=cnn_offbeat
* http://www.slate.com/id/2089248/?GT1=6334

such is life.

2005-03-27T12:47:00.000-06:00

My blog has been really quiet for a while now. But I'm feeling especially renewed today (maybe since its Easter Sunday and here in western mass its oh so close to being spring) so I figured I would say something today.

I'm in a really funny place right now. 45 days away from when all my grades are due. Those around me who arent graduating are getting ready for next semester, choosing hall numbers, picking roommates, and running for elections. And I'm not a part of that. Which is weird but feels right. Last night I went out to On The Border with Yara because I was starting to dream of fajitas. And our waitress was a Moho who graduated the year before. She told us not to worry that she had a really job just that Moho was really expensive so she had another job. It was just reality served to me by a girl who used to be in one of my econ classes. This is life. And this is the reality of what happens after you leave the safe ivory tower of mount holyoke. Or really any ivory tower. There are bills to be paid and a life that is not glamorous but just real that needs to be lived.

And such is life. I finally told my parents that I was moving to Erie like 5 months after I already decided I was going (shhh dont tell my mom that part) and they were as always my parents. Super suportive and really nice about the whole thing. I don't know why I was so scared that they would be disappointed or mad. By this point I should know my parents well enough to know that. So yea, its highly official now I'm moving to Erie and I'm really excited about it. So yea for me!

I will now leave you with adorable things:
* "gansta" t-shirt.
* "I'm saving it!" undies.
* and a giant pony. (stolen from: design*sponge)

a lot of advil and kleenex

2005-02-11T13:23:00.000-06:00

so this week has been...memorable. and thats all i'm going to say about that. it snowed again last night/yesterday. It was really pretty. So yea. that's that. I have big things to do this weekend. Because before Monday rears its ugly head I have to finish a black and white still-life and do 4 more tiny ones (its really cool they're all monocromatic using one primary color in each painting until the last one where I get to use all 3 primary colors). I'm going to do a series of children's toys. So like one rubber ducky (yellow), one barrel of monkeys (red), and yea I dont know what for the other two. Maybe a train for the last ones. Its going to be a ton of work. If that's all I had to do though I would not be worried. However since I also have to learn about Travestis (brazilian biologically male but female bodied prostitutes), PR, Infant CPR, and Men's Shelters I'm in a bit of a crunch.

Its okay though. I'm a lucky girl. Lucky girl with little time so here are some links to keep you company:

* The cuteness of tiny tiny ninjas is overwhelming. i want one!
* Ikea is like crack.
* More Britney Spears madness.
* An Ivory soap enema?
* If you think finding this made my day and I fowarded it to all my friends. You're right.
* Another fabulous store.
* this made me giggle.

ps: go visit my bro's site (www.jonabad.com) and vote for him as a wordpress topsite. so click on the icon on the right hand side and enter the site.

pain is magically delicious.

2005-02-08T10:59:00.000-06:00

in going through the blogs it seems a lot of people are going through some stuff right now. i am no exception. Strangely though its always when I'm put in horrible stressful situations that I'm at my best and most positive. I dont know why that is though. But yea. I'm focused on graduating in May and doing awesome on all of my classes and just saying thanks to everyone who has been there for me. I have awesome friends and even though I'm going through some shit right now, I am truly blessed. I'm just super proud of myself. I can take care of myself through anything. And this makes me happy.

Just one link today because I am ultra busy:
* scary!

busy= good/bad

2005-02-02T16:28:00.000-06:00

I am currently in a very interesting state of exhaustion, where I am busy (ie I am writing this blog within the only 2 block of time within my day that I have "free" today), but really content/happy. Being really busy makes me feel like my life is actually being used productively. and this i like. But yea. I'm really excited about this semester. I'm taking a bunch of new things, and doing some specialized old things.

So here's why I'm busy:
*The internship I was so excited about turned out to be a bust. Which made me have a mini panic attack, which I have now moved on from, which has caused me to spend every free moment between classes researching non-profits in this area. I now have my sights set on a women's shelter in Holyoke, so hopefully things will go well this time and I shall have an internship.
*Painting I is time intensive. Like whoa. But I like it. There something really humbling/frustrating about doing something that you love so much in a different medium that your not used to (ie oil paints) and suddenly you suck. well I dont suck. I could be way worse, but yea. It takes much time.

No actually that's it. I guess writing it all down makes it seem better. which i like. sadly my busy-ness means i have to cancel meetings (which i had doing) and not see andys (which i hate doing even more).

and as always some links for your enjoyment:
*this years oscar nominations make me soooo happy. basically because of this.
*juice. movies. and porn. is there really anything more to life?
*nothing quite like revenge.

this is my life.

2005-01-30T10:38:00.000-06:00

Conversation currently going on outside my room:

girl A: how cold is it outside?
girl B: its 30
girl A: 30! I dont think I even need my coat
girl B: yea I know, I was thinking of going back and putting on my swimsuit
together: hahaha!

I've been really productive lately. I wonder were this energy is coming from? eh oh well. I went to Boston yesterday to drop Andy off and got to go to one of my favorite art stores. plus we went to Dino's and I had the pasta ravioli, which I've been dreaming about for various months now. Plus Yara came with us, so I didnt have to drive back to Moho all by myself. So yea. All is good.

Here are many interesting things that I found:
* We're number 1! Well maybe being number 1 isnt good on this one...
* So there aren't any slutty girls in high school. Interesting. Also interesting that amazingly there are also no gay people at this high school.
* The cutest thing.ever.really.
* disaster porn and lesbians on PBS. What's educational TV coming to these days?
* old article about the awesomeness of MHC
* my new most favorite thing.

long time no post

2005-01-28T12:57:00.000-06:00

I'm back at school now after being without the internet for a month with only basic TV channels to keep me in touch with the outside world. So I started and finished Wasterland by Jo Sinclair. It was really great to just sit and read something. I also go to spend massive amounts of time with my daddy, which was awesome because he's really the most fabulous man ever. Other highlights included meeting Andy's grandmother (she's soo cute I could just keep her in my pocket, if that wasnt kidnapping) and getting to watch The Life Aquatic and Closer. And thats it. The weather was both nice (high 70's) and bad (freakish snow failing).

So far here at school things are going awesome. I got my fin aid stuff all worked out so I could register for classes. I found an internship with ACCION headquarters in Boston that would pay me money for something I would gladly do for free. I got into CPR so now I wont not graduate just because I'm missing a PE. I'm taking a comedy class in the english department, so I'm learning really good jokes (Why do blind people hate to go sky diving? It scares the dog). And Andy came to visit and bought me really beautiful white roses and delicious truffles. So its happiness all around. Even though its like -5 outside.

Here are some links:
* The pictures are funny.
* The future is now.
* this week in sex. from nerve.

yes.

2004-12-18T17:00:00.000-06:00

there is something really cruel about having to stay on campus a week longer than i need to. even though its finals time i'm not stressed. all of my big work was due at the midpoint of the semester. so i just have biology left, and its one of those things were i have to take the exam to pass but even if i do ultra well i wont get an A. so its all a matter of showing up. so i've been watching a ridiculous amount of movies since its really the only thing to do in south hadley.

so yea. saying i'm bored is an understatement. i made a to-do list which includes gems like: sweep, throw out trash, re-write notes, and balance dorm checkbook. oh the excitement.

good news is i finally have a plane ticket home and will be flying on the wonderful southwest, soo i know no matter if it decides to snow like its never snowed before i know that by early afternoon i'll be Texas next Tuesday. and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy like you wouldnt believe.

also i took this quiz. i took it roughly 20 something times, and was considering being Chile but decided that the Vatican was really funny.

You're Vatican City!

You're pretty sure that you're infallible in all that you do or say, and
it's hard to say whether you're right. You have a lot of followers, most of whom will
do whatever you say without question, or line up to see you ride around in your spiffy car.
Religious and reserved, you have some wisdom, but also a bit much contempt for everyone
around you. You're also fabulously wealthy, no matter what you say to the contrary.

Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid

ps. here are some really adorable things I found on the web:
*Passing time in the loo. a book.
*tabletop Garden Gnome!
*a day at the beach. for your desk.
*massage deck!
*a pig cutting board. adorable! and delicious.
*a rabbit cutting board! even better!
*magnets! you can write on!